Top 5 Reasons Nestle’s New Damak Chocolate Bar is Eye Opening

There's a Turkish woman at my work and she's awesome. These have to be good.

Reviewed by Matty

February 29, 2016

The sweet folks at Nestle (ok Nestle’s PR agency #butstill) gave me a slew of new Damak chocolate bars – Turkish chocolate now available for us ‘mericans. 5 reasons you should go try these:

Damak1

1. Is there another bar in the US with Pistachios?

I sure couldn’t find any that weren’t specialty made from small artisan purveyors. And I can’t think of one now.

2. Pistachios stay crunchiesh.

Maybe I’ve been getting the wrong pistachios from Trader Joe’s over the last 20 years but if I don’t eat them quick enough, they go soft. Take ’em out of their shells and it speeds up that process. Yet here they are in the Damak bar and they’re crunchy. howdeydodat?

3. European chocolate taste.

There’s just something smoother about European chocolate, something lightly fruity even, with deeper flavors. Plus, not too sweet. It’s hard to explain well but check for yourself – buy a Hershey bar and this Damak bar and do your own taste test. The Damak bar (milk or dark) is simply a more interesting thing to eat.

4. Keeping it Turkish and marketing to Americans? That’s some cajones. 

Do I need to tell you that there’s an idiot running for president in America, who appears to be winning his party’s nominee, on a platform of bigotry?  Good on Nestle for giving the finger to potential anti-immigration sentiment, bringing in a foreign chocolate and not renaming it or pretending it’s all homegrown and shit. Buy it: stick it to the man.

5. It just looks good.

Damak2

5a. The name says it all.

It’s pronounced “Dih-mok”, according to the press release (but is that diii-mok or die-mok? no idea) and it means “great taste.” Good on you Turkish Nestle people for stating the obvious. In fact, it’s made me think I can do it too. You’ll find our next reviews on our new site, “Funny writing” blog.

OH ZING

7 Comments

  1. Marshall

    The bigotry of your opinions is vivid enough.

    Reply
    • Matty

      My review isn’t intolerant of those who hold different opinions. I’m intolerant of a man running for president who doesn’t have the credentials to run for the highest office in the land.

      Reply
      • Jim Robinson

        It seems like those that are smart enough to run our country are too smart to run to be president.

        Reply
  2. roberttheg

    Can I buy these in Mexico?

    Reply
    • Matty

      Good Q. My source says not available in Mexico directly, but if Amazon.com ships to to you there you can order from them.

      Reply
  3. Jonny

    You forgot reason #6: if you mis-pronounce it, but yell it, it’s like saying “Damn it!”

    “Damn Ak!”

    Reply
    • Matty

      i love you

      Reply

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