Toffee Turtles – Eat Some, Save the World, No Big Whoop

Why we don’t rely on kids to review candy:

Dad: So how’d you like the candy?
Kid A: Awesome
Dad: Wow. (litlol) AWEsome? Why so great?
Kid A: I don’t know.
Dad: ok. uh thanks. Did you like it, T?
Kid T: No.
Dad: Why not?
Kid T: What do you call that stuff with the chocolate?
Dad: The caramel? The toffee?
Kid T: Yeah, I didn’t like that. I didn’t like any of it.
Dad: Why didn’t you like it? Can you explain why? I need to write it in the review.
Kid T: I mean I loved it.
Dad: You loved what.
Kid T: I loved all of it.

Moral: kids are worthless

These, however, are not.

The thing I like most about these Toffee Turtles is the use of the toffee instead of nuts. See the pic below? You can see how where the nuts would be (at the bottom, like where the legs of the turtle would be) is actually toffee. Turtles with nuts? A dime a dozen! Lose the nuts, add the toffee, and they are cleaner to the eye, less big and bulky, and most importantly: crunchier. You get a real hard cookie feel when you bite in. And the caramel seems very homemade to me like I could taste all its ingredients. Only two things I’d add to this candy: salt, either in the toffee itself or sprinkled on top; and darker chocolate. Like most milk chocolates, the flavor isn’t strong enough for my liking and too general milk chocolatey.


But the size of these are perfect. And I fucking ate the whole sustainable plastic box thing in one sitting. Kids got half of one, the wife one other, and then I gulped down the other 4 and oh no I’m sure it won’t make me fat as hell.

And for you hippies? These are perfect. Beyond being kosher and all-natural, Toffee Turtles management goes out of their way to be world-friendly: their label printer uses wind power energy; their containers are reusable and made from recyclable plastics only; and all the candy makers use public transport or bike to work. (… uhh … In LA? yeah SURE they do. Maybe if they all live a block away from the kitchen.)

But I like these guys. They sent funny emails to us when we were exchanging addresses. And they are at least trying to do their part to help the world. Are you?

So go to Whole Foods and buy these things.


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