Smarties Strawberry Taffy: Thanks (for not) Giving (me any in the future)

It's taffy by nature. Not strawberry by taste. Kids like it too but kids don't know sh*&.

Reviewed by Matty

November 26, 2012


(See what I did there? I know it’s after Thanksgiving but really, so clever!)

I saw this taffy bar in the local candy store, in Chino Hills, where I was over the Thanksgiving holiday.

I didn’t like this stuff at all.

Firstly, it tastes nothing like Smarties. B) It tastes nothing like strawberries. And fourthly, I took it out of its package, put it on a plate, and it stuck. So stuck, we couldn’t get it off without a knife. What the hell is this doing to my insides? Still, at least it plays to its billing. When you call something “taffy,” it should be stretchy and gooey. +1 for naming accuracy.

Now here’s the problem with asinine adults like me reviewing candy: it’s not meant for us. It’s meant for dum, indiscerning childs.

As it is thanksgiving, and I give thanks every day for my lovely (cough) childs, I gave them some bites. I assumed a remark like “Tastes like medicine”, and the fact that they couldn’t tell me the flavor – ‘some kind of berry’ – would be this Smarties Taffy’s downfall.


All the kids said they would buy it. In fact, they would go out of their way to get it. They said they would be looking for it on the next trip to Walgreen’s.

Let’s sum up what we’ve learned:
1. Smarties Strawberry flavored taffy doesn’t taste like Smarties (huge miss) or strawberry
2. None of us adults need to get. Ever.
3. Kids love this stuff. Go figure.

Zolli Candy


  1. Br

    When y’all ace some more

  2. DeAnna Cox

    Nonsense tbis is one of the best candies ever invented. And discontinued.

  3. Rulymane

    You’re a hater stop it

  4. Mackrelmint

    Dum (ha, see what I did there)?

  5. Moi

    Maybe these aren’t the same we reviewed at work, but I LOVED the Smarties taffy. Little bits of Smarties goodness… I kept sneaking them from the conference room and had a little stash in my office for a while. I was into the blue.
    Then again, I am basically a 12 year old trapped in a 25 year old’s body. Is that creepy? That’s a little creepy.

  6. jonnyguru

    In theory, my kid should love this. Therefore I won’t buy it for him.


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