Skinny Cow: “Divine Chocolates” that Don’t Fatten You Up

When you're fat, you diet. But you got to still eat candy. Because why make life any shittier?

Reviewed by Matty

January 28, 2013


Mixing a weight loss regimen with eating candy is like worrying about skin cancer while refusing to wear SPF. It’s a conundrum wrapped up in a puzzle with a splash of confused youth mixed in. I know from experience. When you diet, you become a calorie counter extraordinaire and start dreaming of the 4 gummies you’re affording yourself each night at 7pm. It’s not a good way to live. It’s sad, trite, and downright f’ed up.

“Dammit! I could have eaten all those maltesers yesterday. Why’d I just ration myself 5 little pieces?”… is NOT what you want to be saying to the hot nurse on your deathbed.

But ok, I admit it, we all diet. And ok, I admit it, we’ll all be rationing the sweet stuff. So is there anything to help us do it better?


If you’re like me, every now and then you jump into the “Reg,” or the “Watch” as Jonny and I call Weight Watchers. And with such, you can actually eat anything. You just need to figure out the right amount, and with the Reg, that amount comes in “points.” Most men get about 35-45 points a day. A ridiculous dessert like a sundae is probably 15-20 pts. A cheese pizza slice is like 8-10 pts. And when you want a bit of chocolate and caramel, well you could go with a Snickers which is like another 10 pts, or I got another answer for you: Skinny Cow Divine Filled Chocolates. (Which I actually can’t find on their website…so it’s either super new or reallllllllllllly old.)


These things say on the package that one pouch of 3 candies is 4 pts. 4 pts is almost nothing in the realm of the Reg, and the 3 you get are decent sized. A little bigger than your average Ghirardelli square.


The chocolate is milk but actually darker than most milk chocolates as my kid pointed out. The caramel is a bit sweet, could use more salt, but it’s the right consistency for me as I like my caramel a little lighter and thinner than the fake sundae topping type. The chocolate is fine, nothing to write home about but I never write home anyway.


Let’s get down to brass tacks. These things are solid. I’d eat them even if they weren’t marketed for dieters. They’re made with sugar — not Aspertame nor poohy sugar alcohols, so you’re getting the real stuff. Dieters: time to party. With 3 pieces of chocolate. and that’s IT. Got it? No More. Hey – you’re the one choosing to diet. Deal with it.

Zolli Candy


  1. jonnyguru

    Doooood- these look epic. Did you find them locally?

    • matty

      I found them at the Fresh and Easy. Which, honestly, I think is neither. Everything is pre-packaged and all the check-outs are self. Great when smart people like me are in line. Terrible when granny throws her stuff on the scale by mistake, and the machine thinks she’s weighing everything and freezes up, so the 20-something disaffected youth needs to slowly saunter over and put in her “manager’s key” to start the tranny over again. Lame.


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