I’m chewing this stuff and you know the kinda weird funny ads where there’s a skinny (on TV? How novel) hot blond in a tennis outfit with the English accent whose teeth sparkle at the end? I’m thinking the ads permeated my pea brain cuz Maui Melon Mint does what the package says it will – I have that ‘just brushed clean feeling.’ My mouth is fresh as shit right now! Go team.

And that’s great I guess. If anyone ever gets excited over gum. And they don’t. Except maybe Alex H. who keeps telling me to review gum.

Thanks to Rapidsea for the image – he/she reviews this gum also, here.)

But whatever the masses do, they never ever will jump through hoops for this gum, because it’s melon. Not tried and true watermelon just plain ol melon.

The gum has that typical melon-y hint that only candy and gum taste like and that melons have absolutely Never tasted like. And if it ain’t hot out and you aren’t in the fruit aisle – who’s ever looking out to buy anything melon? No one has ever thought “Ok it’s either chocolate, sour gummies or licorice…hm. Not in the mood for chocolate or licorice so we’re going gummies. Fuck I hope they have Melon.” No. Melon is a nice to have. Melon isn’t a go out of your way to get.

I will say this – I’ve been chewing this gum for over an hour now and it still has a good fresh feeling. Kudos to Orbit for that.

But my suggestion, Orbit, is to simply stick with the mint. Mint is good. Mint makes you feel like you’re ready to make out with someone. Maybe try grape mint. I haven’t seen a grape mint before. Or maybe spice it up with a little more pizazz – like Pepper Mint. Using real pepper! Now That would be something. See, those flavors take a point of view. Melon just sits there hoping you look down at it and have nothing better to do.