No time for small talk and non sequiturs. Leaving the ribald candy chat at the door in order to review three bags of Maynards candies in just a few paragraphs before the throngs of unwashed candy-eating masses turn to Instagram for candy porn.
So I was in Vancouver British Columbia the other day and in the spectacularly well-run and clean airport they had loads of Maynards, such as the stellar wine gums (a sour version of such to be reviewed on its own), AND these Juicy Squirts Berry, Swedish Berries as well as Fuzzy Peach.
I learned a valuable lesson with these little sweeties: one go is never enough. When I tried all three of these candy types on Sunday night I shrugged, “Not nearly as good as the wine gums. Gonna pan the crap out of these.” Yet when I tried them again on Monday night and now I’m all like “wow” and shit. In the future I’m going to eat, put down, sit and think, come back 24 hours later, eat again, THEN review.
Where at first I thought the peach fuzzies (far right) were like Haribo peaches, which I don’t love…, turns out the flavor is dominant and the fuzzy is code for tangy. Sweet for a gummy but not too sweet.
Where at first I thought the juicy squirts (the four on the left, and the two below) were samey tasting with a novelty liquid center, turns out the flavors are readily apparent and generally true to match. The juice in the middle of these things is kind of thick, almost syrupy and not runny, which I liked. Overall too sweet though. The strawbs were my faves but they can lose the orange; it’s always amazing to me how much I love real oranges and generally can’t stand orange candy.
The Swedish Berries (the red one to the left of the peach, two images up) had me guessing at first. Swedes not only have insanely hot tall women but they also have their own fruit? News to me. Wonder what they taste like…(the fruits, not the women. oh you are sick.) Well it turns out they taste like Swedish Fish. Interesting as hell, no?! These things are round nuggets that have the same consistency and overtones of your run of the mill Swedish Fish. Is that even legal? Are we sure Cadbury (who owns Maynards), isn’t encroaching on some kind of Swedish Fish IP here? Eh, let the lawyers figure it out.
Overall, these things are solid with a Capital S, yo. They are Canadian however so you won’t see them in stores elsewhere. Check out the link below for a slew of online venues to buy.