(I know I didn’t spell ‘bold’ correctly. It’s this writer being clever. Work with me here.)

As the We are the World singers said back in the 80’s, “It’s Christmas time”, and we wouldn’t be doing our due guru diligence if we didn’t hammer out a few Xmas time candies. Because tis the season to consume — whether it’s an Amazon gift card or Chocolate Coal Boulders from Kimmie Candy Company.

When the Kimmie Candy company wrote and offered up some candies to review, we of course said yes because THAT’S WHAT THE SITE IS FOR but I also chuckled because I liked the names (like this Coal Boulders one and another Jonny will review) and thought ‘hey, good on Kimmie for making Xmas candy that was Xmas relevant, right?! I mean we all can do peppermint and egg nog til our ears fill up with jingle bells, but the whole coal-in-the-stocking thang is ripe for exploiting.

And thus we arrive here:

First thing to note, is these things are super heavy. Like, “weight” heavy. I picked up the package and seriously thought it was 3 real rocks in there. So heavy in fact that I was confounded…what else was in these things? Couldn’t be just chocolate…

Ok well I guess it IS just chocolate.

Super solid chocolate, with a very hard – I mean like really very super hard – shell. I had no idea how to eat these since they were too big to just pop in my mouth, and they seem so much like rocks…but I stepped up and took a bite. And I thought I broke my tooth. You see those tooth marks? I had to work to make those.

And the chocolate shell came off on my fingers. Like coal would right?

So good for you, Kimmie, calling these things coal, when they looked like coal, and they had the conSIStency of coal. Novelty maybe, but like real too, man.

Sadly, the chocolate was just OK. I kinda liked it’s simplicity but it wasn’t high-end – no deep cocoa flavor, no salt. It was creamy-ish but it wasn’t “milky.” More like your general Easter Bunny chocolate.

But we aren’t buying these for the chocolate decadence, we’re buying these for the kids. It’s a perfect stocking stuffer. They’ll get a laugh and a sizable chunk that will last.