Grape Vines: They’re Purptastic!

These taste like purple, and it's perfectly logical for today's candy enthusiast to only want authentic, all natural, chardonnay-esque, only organic, non-fructose, raw cane grape candy. I feel you. But personally I love fake grape.

Reviewed by Matty

April 9, 2010


I’m sophomoric, have no discerning taste and have a Peter Pan complex.

That’s why I loves me dem Vines baby!

Every time I go to the Rite Aid-like Walgreens-Type store, I OLways consider a Vines buy. And I don’t care if they’re black or red or, as in today’s case, purple. To the chagrin of most, I like the black licorice ones best. I’m unapologetic about it too. Sorry Netherlands. Sorry Australia. I know you got good licorice and heck yeah I love it too – but good ol’ US of A black vines are simply incomparable. And when they’re old, and in an open package and fridged, all hard and impossible to bite into on first chew? They rock the party party.

When the genius candymakers at American Licorice Company sent me a box of grape vines, they already had 5 stars going in. Oh that isn’t fair you say?

Yeah. Neither is this:

And by BOX of grape vines, I mean like 15 packages. Might have been more. But the better half gave some away, I had to give some to Jonny and I would have given some to Scotty but I used the excuse that I don’t think he likes this kind of stuff that much and so I just ate the rest myself.

Truth be told, I had these before. Jonny picked some up and I went to town. So I’m not going into this review cold.

Strange thing is I wouldn’t be surprised if you don’t like these a ton. That’s because these taste like purple, and it’s perfectly logical for today’s candy enthusiast to only want authentic, all natural, chardonnay-esque, only organic, non-fructose, raw cane grape candy. I feel you. But personally I love fake grape. Fake grape and me are like Barbie and Ken = well-proportioned, plastic as all get out, and incredibly attractive.

I think the American Licorice Company sent these packages to me right off the line. I swear to god they felt warm when I opened each package. And they were almost gooey. Which isn’t actually to my liking. Soft is nice for cookies out of the oven but I like my vines hard as a 12th grade calculus test, chewy-like-a-tire that gets you jawin’ all day long. So I cut a slit in the package, popped these puppies in the LG, gave them 2 hours of aging and I was good to go.

Right now, as I finish this review, and have no vines here next to me. I feel sad and a scant lonely. I better see if mom can give me a ride to the 5 and Dime.

By the way – since I was asked – supposedly you can buy them here at the Candy Cabinet. I saw a bunch of flavors…but no grape yet. Anyone else find these anywhere yet?

Zolli Candy


  1. Kimberly

    These grapevines are an all time childhood favorite! I am so glad to see pictures of these babies! I haven’t seen them since say 1987 or so.

    I picked up a bottle of Crush Grape pop today to share with my kids. The taste took me back to these yummy vines.

    Thank you!

  2. bearcatdavey

    Went to the site to see what they have for purchase(from candycabinet) cherry, pink strawberry, red and black….no grape on the site, although they did have a picture of the grapevines box on the contest page.

  3. Pam Walter

    I’m showing 9 stars and will definitely give these a try. Love the vines!

  4. Rodzilla

    I’m not sure I’ve actually ever had a grape vine. I’m not the biggest licorice fan, but as these aren’t actual licorice..and I do like fake grape; I may have to give them a shot.

    I noticed you gave them a 9, but the stars are showing 7.

  5. Matty

    I may be wrong about this, but I t h i n k Padma is actually totally into me. It appears she is in my fantasies at least.


  6. greebs

    At the least, Padma ditched Salman a few years back and just popped out a baby from someone else. Me likes Padma. Not so sure about the Grape Vines, but your review ain’t half bad. 🙂


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