Don’t tell Dr. Drew: I’m addicted to Coke! (bottles)

Not all gummi coke bottles are created equal. Haribo ain't run-of-the-mill cola taste. Plus the texture is delish.

Reviewed by Matty

February 27, 2009


Goddamn these are good.

(thanks to for the pic – and review here.)

Are you ignoring the Yayo bottles because you’ve had Haribo knock-offs and they just didn’t really taste like Cola? Maybe you’ve lost your mind and you think they may be caffeinated? More likely, you decided at age 25 that gummi products are for the immature and no longer do you need to pretend (like you did when you were 11) that eating a gummi coke bottle is like buying a coke all on your own without your parents’ permission.
So here I am again to give you the A-OK; the thumbs up; permission to buy yourself a package of these and reacquaint yourself with what could arguably be the first gummi candy you ever knew as “gummi.”

Why are these Haribo “Happy Cola” so darned good? Their size for one. Not too small, not too big. Not too sweet and a nice good chew. And don’t get the really big gummy coke bottles from those mall stores thinking it’ll be the same thing. It won’t. Those are way too much bite, and oh like yr realllly going to finish that whole f-ing thing in one go. Doubt it. Not to mention embarrassing to eat in public. Plus the taste is like Diet Rite soda: it’s cola in theory but never choice 1.

Sorry – but I have to interrupt this review. For this:

I’m watching that TV show ‘Sober House’ (VH1; must watch) and two people are having a live conversation – you know, two people talking in the SAME room – and one of them has a bluetooth headset on. And he keeps it on. He doesn’t take it off. He’s hanging out. He’s not between destinations. He’s sitting at a table…I’m sorry but What the fuck? What kind of world is this? You can’t take that fucking thing from off your ear for 2 goddamn minutes to have a live conversation?! Because, what, if it’s off and you do get a call you just won’t have enough time to put it all the way back on your ear?! Too far to reach that idiot arm of yours back into yr pocket and put the piece that you already put on at least once successfully – BACK ON?!! Seriously? That’s goddamn RIDONCUlous.

Ok. I’m done. I’ll chill out.

Anyhoo. Listen. Get some Haribo Happy Cola. Try it out again. Love it. Love it like me loves it. See it through. And when you buy that bag, take your headset off ya robot, and let’s pretend we’re all human and shit.




Zolli Candy


  1. Swervie

    You and me Denise – we’re like that (Making a fingers crossed gsture 🙂

  2. Denise Ryan

    Matty – I LOVE your techno rant. What is wrong with people? It’s like we’re so sure someone better is going to contact us, we ignore the living human we’re with.

    You rock!


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