This is a sad, sad day.
Here I am — after having received a few asks to review the Circus Peanut, including from a “Carl” at Candydish who called these “Heaven” and a reader/writer who calls herself “Lia” who perhaps lost her mind before saying she “found ten-star bliss” in these things.
Now Carl. And Lia. Let’s just settle the F down for a minute, take a step back and walk through what we got here.
Plus 1 to texture. They are trippy – dense but light. When you pull them apart, they look like what you’d see if you break open a Three Musketeers bar. But instead of really light chocolate nougat that makes you puke*, you get compact and thick yet not heavy nougat that may or may not make you puke.^ I appreciate the Circus Pean textch. It’s original, and a tad filling. And given the not-quite-of-this-world Orange #5 color, I bet a big bag like the one I have would last at least until 2078. Good value.
*When I was 6 I ate too many 3 Musk bars and became my own private vomitorio.
^I have yet to eat too many Circus Peanuts and thus can’t do the throw up math at this point. In fact, we’ll never know the spew threshold on these with me since:
I will never eat another one of these things ever again.
Now I know that Carl (who works for the National Confectioners Association and probably knows sugar better than C or H) and Lia (who writes loads of award winning novels and clearly must be more clever than I) will be disappointed. How couldn’t they be? I’m essentially comparing their beloved Abelard and Heloise to the latest issue of Penthouse Forum. I’m comparing their Industrial Revolution of candy love to a bankruptcy-making Ponzi scheme.
Yet none are more disappointed than I. First off, they taste like bubble gum. And really – that’s it. Where’s the depth? And how foolish of me to expect an orange flavor undertone of some kind; why would I ever do that since THEY ARE ORANGE. Not to mention they look like a semi-flat peanut and yet taste nothing like peanut anything. What’s the point of that? Why do that? Why continue to do that? Who has an answer for me?! Finally, these things maybe great fun if yr 5 or yr from texas and you think bigger is better but for us adults? Please – I sure as shit can’t eat these in public. I’d be the laughing stock of the office. I’m already glared at as the oddball stuck-in-adolescence freak with my half-empty Haribo packages all over my desk.
Man I’m sorry.
I really wanted to like this stuff.
I thought I was enlightened to the level of the Carls and Lias of the Circus Peanut world.
I thought I too would attain that pedestal of blind adoration for a candy only children could love.
But Alas –
these things suck.
*Updated 5/26: Carl! So sorry I got your name wrong. It’s ‘Carl’ everyone. But don’t harrass him cuz he like these things. He doesn’t need more spam.