“…the dark bar was probably the best I’ve ever had.”

That’s what your favorite reviewer Jonny said about the chocolate bars he ordered from make-your-own-chocolate-bar site, chocri. (This site isn’t yet available to the unwashed masses — just for dirtbags like us who spend valuable time writing and talking about sweets. But you can read about the purveyor’s escapades until the buy-site is open to the public.)

ok – let’s take a step back.
It’s Xmas-ish, you’re tired of buying the same ol’ crappy gifts so you decide this year it would be really really great to design a bar of chocolate for all the kids; or your favorite boss; or the hot temp who’s leather black boots keep saying, “seriously, lick these.”

If this is you (and sadly it ain’t me cuz we don’t hire temps) then perhaps chocri will be for you. I like to pronounce the name chocri like I’m dick van dyke in Mary Poppins, like someone asked, “is that bar chocolatey?” and I say, “Showe is guv’nuh. Rweaally chocri.”

At chocri you simply order chocolate bars and put your favorite toppings on them. And they gots themselves loads of toppings under headings like Fruit, Spices, Nuts, Extras, Decor & Grains. Real grains the hippies will love like organic flax seeds. Not sure Hershey offers that.

In general, I like this idea a lot. Maybe it’s new, maybe it isn’t; there are other make your own candy sites. And although this is quite the market niche —  cuz it sure aint cheap. dark choco bar is $9.90 before your first topping, and once you add a few of those that range from .75 to a few bucks, with shipping? knickerbocker please — I’m pretty sure I’d go to this site once or twice and make my own bar. Because I think I’d be good at creating my own lil’ choco recipe of love, and frankly, I need to get the taste out of my mouth of the absolutely shit bars Jonny created.

Hey – no offense, I love the guy like a hot temp I wish I could hire. But the chocolate bars he created? Wow. Spiced to the hilt. Literally, hot. And not temp girl hot. Like srirachi hot. Great maybe for a small nip and clever remark, “wow – that cayenne in there with the sea salt overtones sure played some whoopy on my soft palette.” But I couldn’t actually eat more than a nib of Jonny’s little concoctions and what fun is that? I’m not into candy tasting, I’m into candy eating. Also he put dried cherries on it. And overall I’m a chocolate and berry bigot. I’ll take fresh strawberries and chocolate, but that’s it, and not a lot of it.

So I say, sure, hire a girl – get her to order you some chocri bars, perhaps with peanut butter? I’m pretty sure that little recipe will work. And go with the dark because we all agreed that the milk chocolate was rather pedestrian. And then let us know what you think. It won’t be cheap but I bet it’s pretty good. Like Jon said, “…the dark bar was probably the best I’ve ever had.” Not sure. Maybe if they were wrapped in leather boots?