We may be sour, but we know our sweets.

American Halal Gummies: I’m still scared to eat these

You know how when you open a package of good candy the aroma is delightful? You know how candies are usually bright colors so that you’ll be dazzled and buy them? You know how candies often have fun-to-say names so when you say “skittles“, for example, you make a smile?

Yeah well don’t look for anything like that with the American Halal Gummies — which are named after your favorite Passover Seder maybe? Open a package of these, smell, and wince. Stare at the candies through the small clear package window and wonder why their color is best described as “pastel palor.”

These are f&*^ing horrible.

The package makes me want to run, not grab. It says, “Halal Select Snacks – Makers of halal gelatin snack products.” So WTF is Halal? Well the back of the package has the ingredients, one of which is “Gelatine (Halal Beef).” Guess these aint vegan.

When I opened the package an evil odor emanated. I stepped back. I furrowed my brow and crinkled my nose. I put the candy on a plate and offered to Mrs. Guru. She took a bite. She threw the rest away. She asked why anyone made candy like this, with big sugar crystals on the outside and like Brach’s? I took a piece, carefully lifted to my mouth, took a bite, and promptly spit the shit out. Grabbed some water. Tried to get the beef gelatin smell off my fingers. Took the rest of the candy and other package and threw away.

0 Stars.

End of story.

14 Comments

  1. Who is the intended audience for this?  Sounds UN-sane.

  2. Halal is the Islamic equivalent of Kosher.  Since gelatin contains animal products (typically hooves), it is forbidden unless halal.  Not that any of this makes up for the sinister act of disappointing children with heinous candy, but I thought you’d like to know.

  3. To think, I could have walked into my neighborhood Halal themed market and been oddly fascinated with the Rhinos (with what looks like arthritic fingers for legs) and actually paid money for these. If the packaging wasn’t alluring enough, the window displaying the murky colored rings might have just sent my sugar seeking brain over the edge. Without your selfless actions, I too may have been subjected to the horror that you have now saved me from. Matty & Jonny, you are doing god’s work.

  4. To expand on what Honeybee_e said:

    Halal foods are foods that are allowed under Islamic dietary guidelines. According to these guidelines gathered from the Qu’ran, Muslim followers cannot consume the following: pork or pork by products
    animals that were dead prior to slaughtering
    animals not slaughtered properly or not slaughtered in the name of Allah
    blood and blood by productsFrom: http://mideastfood.about.com/od/middleeasternfood101/a/halalfoods.htmSo, you know – thank goodness there is no BLOOD IN THESE GUMMIES

  5. hilarious. and creepy.

  6. I would rather have halal gummies than other gummies that have pigs fat and blood in their. (FYI pigs eat anything so that’s what are in un-kosher/halal gummies). They are so good(in my opinion). I just finished some lol

  7. My diet is very much multicultural and love eating Kosher at jewish delicatessens.However I think I’ll have to pass on the Islamic nonsense. Why eat something that smells and taste like crap. If it’s good for you it should taste good too. Go buy some gummy bears and get over the dogma, you and everyone else will be happier in the long run for it.

    • Well…I can’t speak for the rest of the world, but I don’t think it’s Dogma. It’s religion, which as we know, are quite polarizing. That’s all I’ll say about that.

      • It is Dogma… Every city Islam enters terrorism erupts. Islam is evil and will be the bloody end of the world. When they’re done the whole would will look like the Middle East where women are viewed as lowly property.

  8. My diet is very much multicultural and I love eating Kosher at jewish delicatessens too. However I think I’ll have to pass on the Islamic nonsense. Why eat something that smells and taste like crap? If it’s good for you then it should taste good too. better yet, go buy some gummy bears and get over the dogma.. You and everyone else will be happier in the long run for it.

  9. I’m interested for your halal gummies for my store in Orland park il for wholesale prices

    • Hi Rami, we don’t actually sell candy. Just review it.

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