We may be sour, but we know our sweets.

Satellite Wafers: Plain ol’ Confusing

Author

America is a wonderful place. The land of opportunity. Ever eaten bacon and chocolate? Thanks go to some fat-loving US of A citizen, right?! Had turducken? You can thank American Football coach-turned-announcer John Madden for that! Eaten a Satellite Wafer?

I said: “Eaten a Satellite Wafer?”

Sats1a

Billed as “nostalgic” candy (…which sucks since I’m older than these things…) and loved by people in “the northeast” (…But what Northeast exactly? These are made in Minnesota. Is that the northeast? I thought that was the midwest…), Gerrit’s wafers, which resemble game pieces, have been around over 40 years, although I’ve never heard of them.

Sats2

The checker-sized candies are different pastel colors, some in two-tone – one side blue and another pink, for example. Inside are tiny little beads, about the 10th of a size of a Nerd. The outside looks like styrofoam, feels like styrofoam, and as a mini Gurette said, “tastes like styrofoam.” Super consistent!

There are 2 ways to eat these: bite into them and pour the pebble sweeties in your mouth. Or just eat the entire thing in one go. Both feel very unnatural. The outside of the disc-like-playing-piece-sized morsel is like biting an egg carton. It starts to melt away pretty quickly and the beads inside are hard and pretty sweet. Indiscernible fruit flavors are in there, and unlike the “packaging,” the beads don’t melt in your mouth. So you’ll start chewing, and crunching. The experience is exactly as I expected: general sweetness of mini pebbles with styrofoam.

Sats1

You know how kids love candy? Well here’s what a few kids I know said about this candy:

  • The outside tastes like foam, I hate it.
  • I love the inside, it tastes like Pez.
  • Are you sure you are supposed to eat it?

I think it’s safe to say these aren’t for everybody, and these sure don’t make sense to me. But you go America! Props to whoever decided this is something they want to make and sell, and someone else would buy, because that’s what makes this country great.

6 Comments

  1. Ha! I’ve tried something like this before and had the same confused reaction. I don’t GET it. Kinda interested in the person who invented it tho. I have so many questions for them.

  2. When I was a kid there was a candy like this, but it was called Flying Saucers.

    • We called them flying saucers too! I LOVE these! I just bought a whole box for my birthday!

  3. In the UK they’re filled with sherbet powder instead of those weird beads.

  4. I LOVE these things! I don’t get them often, once every 10 years or so, because I don’t see them around.

  5. I buy them by case of 3000 at a time lasts about a month

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

Choose a Rating

*