Wonka Runts. Call your dentist, STAT!

Too scary to eat much, but they're pretty decent.

Reviewed by Jonny

October 2, 2008

Seriously. Have you ever had these things? They’re kind of like the red headed step child of the Wonka family-sure, they’re THERE, but..why would you buy them when there’s SO many other options in the Wonka family?
I had to find out, or at least refresh my memory. I know I’ve had them in the past, but needing some fresh meat to review, me and Matty bought a box.
So here’s the deal: I got drunk last night, sue me. Anyhow, on the couch, I busted these things open and began to dive in. For the good news: they’re good. They’re not great, but they’re interesting: hard little pebble-like candy with an outer candy shell. Inside, it’s like a pressed clump of sweet powder that dissolves nicely in your mouth. Even better, they added 2 new flavors : pineapple & mango. Or is it one combined flavor? I ask because I never saw a mango, but the pineapples were damn good. I found myself almost eating the entire box, and the box is HUGE, so they gotta be decent.
The bad news: these fucking things DESTROY your teeth. To say they start our hard is an understatement. The worst offender is the banana, which literally almost broke a tooth. But I was drunk, so I went with it. As I get older, I’m sure I couldn’t even pretend to eat these, as my dental bills are already high (Thank you, Mr. Wonka!).
I think my initial reaction to Runts-questioning why I’d ever buy them with so many other options-is essentially the headline to this review. Runts are “OK”, but…too risky on the teeth and ultimately not flavorful enough & not nearly tart enough for me.

Bottom Line

: Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.

 

 

 

8 Comments

  1. Vicky

    Love them just discovered them about 2 or3 years ago. I dump 2 boxes at a time in a baggy and leave a spoon in bag like an addict. Anyway it will take me about a month to finish the bag.

    Reply
    • Matty

      Wow. You ARE addicted. Good times.

      Reply
  2. Marly

    Friggin’ hilarious.

    Reply
  3. ShadowsGathered

    Keep eating those runts now and you’ll end up with minute cracks in your teeth that will still leave you with utterly destroyed teeth later in life. I found this out personally. Same goes for chewing ice and/or half popped popcorn kernels. I wish I’d known 40 years ago what I know now. Ouch!

    Reply
  4. Candy Gurus

    Hmm. I never really “got” rock candy. I still don’t. WTF? It’s sugar. I need a bit more than that.

    Jawbreakers…are something I’ve dabbled in occasionally over the years. Ultimately though…no-those kinds of candies are just too punishing on the choppers.

    Reply
  5. Denise Ryan

    Ha, ha, ha!!! I gotta give you guys credit for sheer persistence!! (I love the 10 for firmness.) Did you like rock candy and jaw breakers when you a kid? How about fireballs? Men are candy masochists!

    Reply
  6. Denise Ryan

    Ha, ha, ha!!! I gotta give you guys credit for sheer persistence!! (I love the 10 for firmness.) Did you like rock candy and jaw breakers when you a kid? How about fireballs? Men are candy masochists!

    Reply
  7. Candy Gurus

    lol.
    Reviews of candy when drunk are the best reviews.

    Reply

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