Some people love cilantro – to others, it tastes like soap dirt. Likewise for beets. The rest of the world LOVES them, but to me, they taste like smelly moldy hippie dirt. And then there’s coconut.
This one seems to 70/30 : 70% of people don’t like coconut, 30% do. I’m most definitely in the “do” camp. In fact, since I was a wee lad, I’ve bought coconuts at the store, smashed them open (sorry, ma!) and carved the meat out to snack on. I’m easy- coconut ice cream, candy, cookies, shrimp–whatever–I’m down.
My brother, Matty Guru Jr. tossed me a bag of these M&Ms Coconut months ago, and I’m finally getting around to the review. Oh, how excited I was.
Pretty, eh? But how do they taste?
Here’s how they taste : shitty. Lame. Annoying.
Why? Because there’s NO DAMN COCONUT IN THEM!!! Check it: Ingredients: Milk chocolate (sugar, chocolate, skim milk, cocoa butter, lactose, milkfat, soy lecithin, salt, artificial flavors), less than 1% – corn syrup, dextrin, coloring (includes yellow 5 lake, red 40 lake, blue 2 lake, yellow 6 lake, yellow 5, blue 1, red 40, yellow 6, blue 1 lake, blue 2), artificial flavor.
Oh man. I LOVE that yellow 6 lake coloring. Zzzzz….
I took ONE bite of these, and it was amazingly clear that they’re not good. I suspected a use of coconut oil instead of real coconut flakes, but there’s not even that. What you’re left with is an M&M with a faint perfumed coconut tinge. This makes me understand the people who don’t like coconut. This isn’t good. At all. Fail.
This makes me think of wasabi. You know, that spicy green paste you get with sushi that blows your nasal passage out if you eat too much? Well, there’s a real wasabi root that’s much harder to come by, but it bears almost no resemblance to the paste. Sure, it’s got some spice to it, but it’s a gorgeous experience. Deep, natural, complex, spicy, sweet….it’s amazing. These M&Ms are like crappy wasabi paste you get with sushi from Safeway. Not really worth the time or trouble.
The thing that really bugs me about this travesty is little Danny Non-Guru in Ohio. Little Danny has never tried, seen, or even really thought about coconut before. He doesn’t peruse arcane classic online candy stores for authentic coconut candies (Chick-0-Sticks, etc), he doesn’t even know how to read. Poor Danny. But he DOES go to the damn grocery store with Mom, so he WILL see these M&Ms Coconut. He’ll ask ” Mama, what is this “coconut” thing?” And he’ll buy these. And he’ll hate them. And then he’ll be one of those people who hates coconut forever.
Lame, Mars. Super lame. We understand that using “flavoring” makes these affordable, but it also makes them shitty.
The Candy Gurus, while absolutely LOVING coconut, do NOT love these. Enough said.