Sour Patch Kids Conversation Hearts

A new kind of Valley heart that's sour? I'm game.

Reviewed by Jonny

February 9, 2021

Saw these in Target, $2.50 for a seriously big bag. They seemed fun, they’re definitely new, so I had to buy.

If you’re familiar with the holy Sweetarts, then you know what to expect here. These are a pressed dextrose candy-the difference is that these are slightly bigger, yet they’re thinner.

I found the flavors to be good, quite sour, and overall…I kinda loved these. I don’t have any issues with the candies at all, and appreciate that their allergen info was included. Full disclosuree, Mrs. Guru HATED these, She wouldn’t even finish eating one, which I can’t fathom. And Jonny Guru Jr. liked them, but again, wasn’t “gaga” over them. What’s happening in my house?

Like I said, I really like these. I can eat a seemingly endless amount in one sitting, and the bag still will have a lot left in it. I do however, take issue with their incredibly lame “conversations” on these hearts.

DM Me, Bae, Friend Zone, SMH, Bruh, Um Hi, and Yas.

Kids, these are the words and phrases that define you apparently. YAS!

No “be mine”? No heart symbol? No “true love”? THESE ARE FUCKING VALENTINES HEARTS NOT INSTAGRAM HASHTAGS, PEOPLE. SMH? Why are we doing that when courting a young lass or lad?

Jesus, I sound old. Honestly who cares what they say? I’m not doing anything more than chucking these in my cake hole, so it really matters not, but…lame on the SPK team. They could have done better. How about some sour themed love messages? “I’m Sour on U!” “So Sweet yer Sour” “Sour Balls”.

That last one might not pass QC, but obviously I’d be better at this than they are.

Regardless these are great. I’d recommend putting on a few facemasks on and getting 2 for $5 at Target (UPDATE: I took the kid driving yesterday, and he amended a Target run. I checked on these, and they’re now 3/$8.50, so just a bit more than before), but if you’d prefer to order online, we’ve provided a link in the usual place.

2 Comments

  1. Alan Black

    “No heart symbol?” Dude, they’re heart shaped candies. Are you gonna put a tattoo of your butt on your butt as well?

    Reply
    • Jonny

      That’s…a fantastic idea!

      Reply

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