I don’t care if you’re a candy addict or inexplicably, not-you’ve had Red Vines. And odds are, you’ve had them at the movies, right? My jam was simple: a pack of the stalest Red Vines the theater had to offer, and a giant 7-Up. At least with some of the vines, I’d bite off each end and use the remaining vine as a straw. After a few sips, the vine essentially freezes, making it uber-tough, and thus, perfect.
Apparently, the candy Engineers at the American Licorice Company finally figured this out. Enter Red Vines Super Ropes:
I wasn’t fully clear on the concept until I actually opened the bag and check it out for myself.
Here’s the deal: You get this super thick Red Vines rope thing. Then you start peeling the thin strings off it, which are of course, tasty. Finally, you’re left with a Red Vines straw. And not an uneven bumpy straw, a real looking freakin’ licorice straw.
Yes, it took the American Licorice Company the better part of 30 years or so to figure out that there’s a demand for bonafide Red Vines straws, but they’ve finally delivered.
I’m not sure that I would buy these again. Not because they’re not tasty-they taste exactly like regular Vines. In fact, every single person I gave one of these to liked them a lot. No, the problem isn’t with the taste, the problem is with the bulk for me. With these newfangled things, a regular serving is one and one third Super Strings.
One and one third. Yeah. that’s gonna happen.
Look, I know about will power. I INVENTED will power. No ice cream? Fine. No cookies? Whatev. But one and a third Red Vines? To quote my son: “Heck to the no!”. It’s not gonna happen.
Red Vines are the candy for people who DON’T want to get super fat. They’re fat-free, and relatively harmless. But not when you’ve eaten 4 or 5 of these Super Ropes, and suddenly realize you’ve downed over 500 calories. Look, if you’re one of those assholes who can’t gain weight if you try, then clearly this doesn’t apply to you. But I’m not. And judging from the looks of most Californians and Americans around me, most of us aren’t. Therefore, these things border on the “not so great” snack option for me.
I’m gonna give them a good rating, because they deserve it. But for my money, I’ll stick with stale ass OG Red Vines. Think of it as backfat control.