Rant time!  Remember these?

Of course you don’t, you’re not old as dirt. But I am. And I do. These fall in to the large group of candies in the small cardboard boxes made by Ferrara Pan out of Chicago that includes Lemonheads, Grapeheads, Orangeheads, many heads, and Boston Baked Beans which scared me as a chilled. I’m pretty sure I remember them all being a dime or a quarter at the corner store and I loved them. Truth be told, the Heads line is still one of my favorites, I love all of them. Back to Red Hots though-the cinnamon fiery taste was so great-spicy, but nothing that was gonna deter me from eating 6 at a time. But the thing I distinctly remember about them was their texture: similar to a lemonhead, they had a slightly chewy thin exterior with the hard center inside.

Fast forward 30 years:

Forgive the potato quality (yay Reddit!) photos today, we’re having technical difficulties.  I saw these at the dollar store of course, and was very excited to share these with junior Guru. But why are they called “cinnamon mints”?

Look at the completely INSANE packaging!

Theres a bite missing!  OH MY GOD DO YOU GUYS GET IT?  IT’S NOT REAL THOUGH. DON’T WORRY. Ordinarily, I’d actually give points for this kind of thing, but they got on my bad side, so I’m flip-flopping and now hate it. That’s really not the problem though. These are:

For those that have had these in the past…does anything look wrong to you?  Spoiler: it’s the shape. They’re not the same. Not a huge problem, but it gave me pause. Then I popped one in my mouth and then I got pissed. Because they changed them.

No longer are these that same Ferrara Pan magical blend of consistency and flavor. Nope. These are simply hard mint style candies- meaning the consistency is that of a harder mint. No chew, no fun.

Look, the taste on these still is the same, so at least they didn’t fuck that up. But in my book, this is a fail. The world didn’t ask for another cinnamon mint, we asked for damn Red Hots. Red Hots candies (the good ones) are still available, which firmly puts these in the cash grab camp.

A mint based on a candy.

Thats insane, it’s like a movie based on a book!  No one will go for it!

If you have a shred of nostalgia in your bones, get the originals over these.  However, if you want a Red Hot-flavored “mint” that really isn’t a mint, and won’t make your breath better, definitely pick these up!