Millions : A Chewy Delight From the UK That Your Teeth Might Hate

literally, there's 1 million in every bag.

Reviewed by Jonny

November 5, 2012


Oh, you Brits.  Just gotta be so damn clever with the candy, don’t ya?  You make a candy called Millions, cause you can literally put one million of them in a plastic tube.  Kudos, Britain.  Very on the nose yet double entendred.

Millions are sort of like little tiny starburst balls, but just a bit harder.  Definitely all about the chew for these.  Of course when my bro picked these up for me, he chose blackcurrant flavor, which Americans seem allergic to using in candy for some reason.  Suffice it to say, I have a blackcurrant fetish going these days.  And yes, it’s a fetish, not an obsession or “preoccupation”.  Let’s move it along.


No artificial colors in these, which is impressive, considering the deep purple color.  Also, real fruit juice is used, which means nothing.  It could be 3% apple juice for all we know.  Damn liars. Damn British LIARS!

Here’s how these work: you pour a few in your palm, a la Nerds, and 10% of them spill into the couch cushions.  Your wife yells at you, then you put what’s left in your mouth.  First, a bit firm, and bursting with blackcurrant delightfulness.  Then they soften up a bit, but still retain their individual ball shape.  Next comes the part where a few stragglers won’t come off your teeth, and you pick at them.  But that’s fun!


Overall, I’m sold on these.  They’re yummy, and although I made fun of it before, you really can taste the natural fruit flavor in these, as well as a lot of other British candies.  I don’t mind toothstick, so for me, these are great.  Sweet, flavorful, just a hit of tart berry, just enough to keep them interesting.

Check them out:

Zolli Candy


  1. better than greywulf1064

    do they come in a flavor similar to raw flesh?

    • Thewhos

      Why get something flavored like that when you could have the real thing? Nom nom nom

  2. Robert The G

    Love the “minor chord” thing. You guys should consider being distributors for these out of country goodies.


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