Sweet Jesus, what have we done.

I almost don’t have the energy to write this.  Buttered popcorn flavored Mike & Ikes?  Hey guys. if Jelly Bellies jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge, would you? THEN WHY THE FU*K ARE YOU COPYING THEIR WORST (and most popular, sadly) FLAVOR? Why??!?

Oh look, they’re yellow!  BUT THEY’RE NOT DELICIOUS LEMON!  Nope, they’re warm oily corn sort of tasting pieces of shit.

Hey, can you tell how I feel about these, or should I come off the fence?

Mrs. Guru bought these for me & the kid to review, and the little SOB is so smart, he took one look at he box and was like WHY MOM?! Then he walked away, which is what all of you should do when you see this box.

You know us: you know we’re huge fans of Mike & Ike.  They have lots of different varieties, and most of them are great.  Hell, even their plain originals are really worth checking out again if it’s been a minute.  But these just don’t need your attention.  They’ve made other (mostly shitty) featured flavors like cotton candy, root beer, etc, all with an old timey vibe-and I can get down with that.  I respect it, and think it’s fun and cool, even if I don’t like the flavors.

But this, friends.  This is candy blasphemy.  There’s never been a good popcorn flavored candy.  Know why?  Because you’re supposed to eat ACTUAL popcorn WITH your candy at the movies (and at home, at work, in the bathroom at work, in the crawl space at home, etc).  Candy and popcorn is an amazing combo that most people don’t try until they’re a bit older.  For me, it was always always ALWAYS Red Vines, popcorn, and a 7-Up.  But I know people who go NUTS.  They buy a box of milk duds, a box of M&Ms or Sour Patch Kids, and then thrown it all onto their popcorn and just hack away.

Respect.

So I get enjoying popcorn.  But this is such a pale comparison, and frankly, a disturbing one.  Who wants butter flavored chewy candy?  Cause that’s what this is.

Clearly, I hate these.  But go ahead.  Click the link, see if I care, tell me why I’m wrong.

oh yeah, and GET OFF MY LAWN!