Lucas Salsaghetti Redux

We're going back to the well to review something for the second time-let's see if this time it fares any better.

Reviewed by Jonny

March 28, 2017


We don’t usually do this-in fact, I don’t think we’ve ever done it. I’m gonna review a candy we’ve already reviewed.

But why, you say? Nay, scream! Reasoning is simple: way back in the oughts when Matty reviewed these originally, we were dumb. Young, dumb, and full of fun, as the saying goes. Neither one of us had been versed in the genius of tamarind flavored candy, or frankly in the combination of sweet, salty, and sour as so many Mexican and Latin candies feature. So without reading his review, I’m gonna trudge forward-this time with better photos!

The name is just so…weird.  Because you’d never know that we’re dealing with watermelon flavored sour gummy strips with that name, would you?  Regardless, I like the packaging-there’s so much stuff going on, what with the freaked out stork about to get his spaghetti on-I dig it.  But then, it’s almost as if Mel Gibson personally unleashed hell himself once the package is opened.

Inherently, nothing is offensive here, except for the obvious mess I’m about to get into.  I’m a bit weird-I don’t like to get all sticky, kinda ever.  But definitely not when I’m sitting down to enjoy some candy, that’s sacred time.  So I had a familiar warning going off inside me, but of course, I trudge on because otherwise, …what the hell would I write here?

Breathe that texture in.  Comfortable?  Ok.  What we have here is a spicy and sour watermelon flavored gummy thing.  You can see the spice on the exterior, which is clearly finely shredded chiles.  Points for that.  For me, that would be a good idea for a candy-hell, it IS a fantastic candy already, in the form of Locochas, which both Matty & I obsess on now.  So the construct is there.  But taste-wise, how do these compare?


There’s an extreme artificiality with these (which is fleshed out in horrifying manner by reading the ingredients) that dilutes the flavors, but not a ton.  Nothing bursts in a “clean” way as they do in the Locochas.  It’s fine though, the watermelon is there, mild spice is certainly there (and lingers for a nice minute), with a tinge of tamarind, even though the bag doesn’t say tamarind flavoring is in the strips.  They’re ok, but they’re messy.  But generally, so far….so ayeet.  And then we get to the packet.

It might look like gooey caramel here, but the consistency is much thinner and runnier, more like a packaged turkey gravy.  Nauseous yet?  Don’t be!  Because the headline here is that the tamarind sauce in the packet doesn’t taste bad.  It’s fine.  But it really feels unnecessary, because we already had it in the gummy itself.  Further, ever try dipping a long strand of gummy unto an almost flat “pool” of sauce?  It’s extremely difficult to get a lot of sauce on.  And before you say something clever like “but Jonny, just pour the sauce packet over the entire contents, like ketchup on fries!” I’d have you know that I don’t do that with fries because again, that gets too messy for me.  So you have to know there’s no way in hell I’m doing that with these.  And so where we end up is, of course, in a sticky fingered, runny sauced Sartre-esque shrinking room.


Not my bag, man.

Having said that, I can understand that normal people might not give a shit about the mess, and might truly enjoy getting down with these.  Even so, I’ll never have them again, because at my age, I don’t settle for mediocre candy when I’m choosing it.  And this friends, really is mediocre, even if the mess doesn’t offend you.  If your interest is piqued at all, I’d insist that you click on that Locochas link below and get those instead.  But if you insist, click the “official” buy button even lower down, and get your stank on!



Zolli Candy


  1. Jacob Deantu

    You. Thought? About. It? Yet? But. I, don’t? Want. To! Force? You! Into? Anything! Ah! This. Place? Ain’t? For? Me!

  2. Matty

    Yes – locochas FTBW


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