Any decent candy reviewer has a candy stash-the size of said stash is unimportant-but the content is crucial. In my little tupperware box of heaven lie treats from around the world awaiting review. Since I have the coolest friend ever in Germany, a lot of my stuff is from there-and it doesn’t hurt that Germany is a boss when it comes to candy making. This bag of gummy pretzels was basically my #1 seed for weeks. Sitting there, teasing me, promising me bounties of joy once I opened the bag.
Look at them! Even through the bag, you can the the sour coating, you can imagine the ultra tough consistency and eye-popping flavors. There’s a lot of promise in there.
Finally, I had to bust them out, which is always a sad thing, losing a top contender from the stash. But I shed a tear, poured one out for lost dreams, and ripped the bag open.
Time to sample!
…And………hm. Whoah. These……aren’t good. WHAT…IS…GOING….ON???!??! Up is down. Left is right. I’m re-evaluating everything,
Dense, chewy, sour, intense? No. How about soft, not sour whatsoever, and almost indiscernible flavors. How does that sound?
Man, oh man. I guess I was just assuming that coming from Germany, these would have to be at least good, with the promise of being great. Not true in this instance. And I’m not exaggerating-these just felt like a waste of calories without any payback. Not worth it.
There’s a lesson here, kids, and it’s simple. Never, EVER eat pretzels. Got it?