Boston Baked Beans

What kid in their right mind wants to eat beans when in a candy mood? MARK WAHLBERG, that's who!

Reviewed by Jonny

August 27, 2015


A friend of mine asked me last week what my opinion of Boston Baked Beans candy was.  I had to admit…I’d never had them, despite knowing about them my whole life.  For those that don’t know what I’m talking about, here they are:


I can remember these from my earliest days as a lad in Los Angeles, working in a roller disco, broke, but making money by showing people my dong in the back room.


EDIT: I can remember these from my earliest days as a lad in Los Angeles, perusing the candy at my local supermarket.  These were ALWAYS there, and of course, not being an idiot, I never chose them.  I mean seriously, what kid is gonna opt for anything with the word “beans” in them for a sweet??!!

Ok fine, I get that everyone loves jelly beans.  You got me.  But on this box…the word beans really harkens…beans.  And it scared me.  So much so that I had to go start working in the adult film industry, first just as a fluf–

EDIT: It scared me.  So I never bought them.  But again, my friend last week said they’re one of her all time faves, so, being on vacation, she picked up a box and opened them up.


VERY bean-y. Kinda cool looking actually.  And you know what?  They’re tasty too.  Simply put, they’re just candy coated peanuts.  The coating is unique though, because it’s relatively thick.  It’s a crunchy, thick candy shell.  Flavor-wise, it reminded me instantly of something I haven’t really had in years but have always loved: toffee coated peanuts.



Right?  These things are DANGEROUS because they’e insanely awesome.  Impossibly awesome, even- thus, they’re “impawsome”.  Matty coined this years ago, and still, apparently hasn’t added it to  For what it’s worth, we also coined “litlol”.  We’re very creative and intelligentss.

Anyhow, Boston Baked Beans taste like butter toffee peanuts, but they sure aint quite as good.  Something about the very hard outer shell is a bit weird for me, but still….they’re tasty.  You could do a LOT worse than these, so if you’re a peanut lover, buy a box, I’m betting you’ll be pleased.


Sort of like I was, when I was rolling my out of gas car down the streets of LA, al the way to Burt Reynold’s house.  Man, was I down in the dumps.  It was if my entire life, my entire career had-


Zolli Candy


  1. Matty

    I just bought these to review. Guess i don’t need to! I like them too. They’re old skool good.

  2. runnin4sweetsrexburg

    I love the baked beans! There is something about the delicious almost burnt coating that brings me back to my childhood. I have some friends who grew up in Mexico and they had something very similar called Lion Peanuts. Also a really good snack. Check them out!


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *