Bassett’s Jelly Babies

I reviewed these 10 years ago and hated them. What I would I think a decade later? UPDATE: I never reviewed them. EDIT: reviewing now.

Reviewed by Jonny

October 6, 2017


I swear, I thought I reviewed these a decade ago. I thought I had been repulsed by them, and slammed them in that harsh-yet-loving, yet rude way I’m known for. I was going to check in a decade later and see if I still hated them.
The thing is…I’ve never reviewed them. It was all a fugue dream. Yet here they are again.

Clearly, whether or not the candies are good, one thing’s for sure: They give zero shits about trying when it come to art.  I don’t know if the graphic has always been this way, or if this is their “updated” look.  But it looks shat out of the late 60’s – early 80’s children’s magazine industry’s butthole.

But this is the thing, the babies.  They come all bagged up with what appears to be some tiny amount of confectioner’s sugar or corn starch or some shit to keep them from becoming sticky. Obviously, we’re dealing with a jelly-a kind of soft jelly, which is what my false memory reminds me turned me off about them way back when,

How is this a baby? These pieces would be considered big-each one likely is twice the weight of a sour patch kid.  There’s definitely 2 good bites in there, which is my general rule of thumb anyhow for babies in general. The flavors of said babies are pretty standard: orange, strawberry, lemon, blackcurrant, lime and raspberry.  So really, what can these things possibly have going for them that’s going to sway the votes 10 years later, even though apparently there weren’t any votes back then?

It’s everything.  These things are a DELIGHT.  Honestly, I kind of had a feeling that I had misjudged these, because even though I enjoy making fun of myself and my imaginary review, the fact remains that I did try them back them, so I’m not working off zero information.  But a lot’s happened since then: I’ve gone from a jelly hater to a huge fan. That alone was enough to make me revisit.

The important take away is that I’m smarter.  I have to say though, when I opened this bag and ate one, I was still taken aback by just how soft they were.  Like…triple soft.

There’s no way that photo really can convey anything at all about texture, but…that’s how they look.  They’re a creamy, dreamy freak show.  What I love most about them are their natural ingredients.  But not for health reasons, Nay!  These things age like champs, and they age quick.  Just leaving the bag open for a few weeks made the exteriors WAY harder and crunchier, and to me, all the better. For what it’s worth, most of my G’s at work who tried these really liked them-something I didn’t expect.

I highly recommend you try these if you’re into-and this is gonna sound a bit snobby-a more refined kind of candy.  The flavors are nice and subtle, the texture is unique and a bit decadent…they’re just good. If I HAD actually written that review, I’d be quoting it and making fun quips about how much more immature I was at that age. While I can’t do that, I can say that there’s nothing like this that’s commonly available in America.  It’s something different, and something I really like.  Check out a sick deal on them with the links below.  Also, you should play brain games on your phone to make your memory better.

Zolli Candy


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