Alpenliebe-Orangey Chocolatey Hard Creamy Yet Not Dreamy

Grandma might steal them from you.

Reviewed by Jonny

July 13, 2010


This one’s gonna be short & sweet.

Check these out, once again from my globe trotting rock star bud Dusty, of Wooden Shjips fame:

These are a “you love it or hate it” taste combination : chocolate mixed with orange specifically, and in a hard filled candy form.  If you’re an Italian Grandma, then odds are you not only like these, but that you have a few boxes handy.

I wish there was something special to report, but…here’s the deal with these things: mild orange hard candy flavor gives way eventually to a small slightly soft but not too soft glop of chocolate.

The chocolate isn’t particularly good, and the orange flavor, while not bad, was super creamy, a la a Creamsicle popsicle.  In other words, all sweet, all cream, no angle, no edge.

My pictures really aren’t making these look very good, are they?  Well, they’re certainly better looking than these show, but…ultimately they’re still bland little orange orbs.  They’re like the candies you’d get after eating at a weird restaurant.  You’d see a huge basket full of them, no one coming close to them, and yet you’d still grab one.  After eating it, you’d become one of those people who walk right by the bowl.

Additionally, the box says “Unsweetened!”.  I don’t really know how to process this, as it ONLY tastes like sugar.

But wait, there’s more!  On the box it reads boldly “70% Cacao!”

Can we get a moratorium on this cacao boasting bullshit that’s become standard operating procedure in the chocolate world?  Do we really need to know the percentage?  Is it really going to make me buy it? No.  And when I eat it, it’s not going to change my opinion.  So stop it.

At this point, I usually search for a web link for you, fair readers, to purchase.  But if you’re the kind of person who’s going to buy these after the review I’ve just given them..then I really need to talk with you.  Email me here.  That’s some twisted shit, and I need to know ya.

But for the rest of you…take a Pasadena.  And Dusty?  Keep on rockin’ dude, and keep on bringing the goods home.  You can’t win them all!



Zolli Candy


  1. Susie

    Hehe, found these in my local supermarket during my vacation in South Tyrol, Italy. Didn´t like them much, either. Funny artificial orange taste, crappy chocolate. Stumbled upon a box with chocolate-filled mint hard candy (different producer, can´t quite remember the name) and they were superb. Bloody shame we can´t get them here in Germany – the producer is Swiss and they don´t sell them here..

  2. Jen

    There are much better items out there with Chocolate and Orange. It’s an odd combo to me, but it actually works although I’m not a huge fan of it myself.

  3. Jonny

    No, that’s DJ’ing.

  4. Matty

    I want to be in a band that travels and plays and gets shitty candy from the source…does this lifestyle also come with scantily clad women who tell me I’m beautiful?


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