In case it isn’t clear, we review candy on this site. And really that’s it. Occasionally we’ll write posts that aren’t a review, but not oft. We got an email from Yume´ Blush, makers of creams for massage and moisturizing, and they said you can eat it so I said ok send it.
And here we are! Me putting moisturizer on my lips and licking it off. All in the name of a candy review. Kinda weird, I know, but we can get through this together.
Honestly I’m not sure how to even approach this one. Shall we start with the facts, as laid out by the company?
– This stuff is 100% botanical (not sure what that means) & vegan (wow. impressive).
– The creams help psoriasis, eczema and other skin problems.
ok wait let’s stop for a second. A candy site is reviewing a cream, that you can eat, that will stop you from itching.
I love America.
Yume´ Blush also says the creams don’t stain, aren’t greasy, nor sticky. Guess that’s good. I have to say that I gave some to my buddy (Scotty, old readers will remember him from Candy Gurus early years), who happens to own a sports massage establishment and he tried the creams and his only reaction was “it’s too greasy for what I do.” He did qualify this by saying he doesn’t use oils and lotions…
Let’s move on to flavors and eating:
So I put them all on my lips. I didn’t massage it into anything…ahem…nor did I take a spoon and pretend it was ice cream. I just tried the various flavors as a chapstick, and licked it off.
Apple Raspberry: Tasted like raspberry, didn’t taste the apple. a bit sweet but not too sweet.
Lavender Lemon: Taste the lemon, not the lavender. I like this one. Like I got a lemonhead on my lips.
Pineapple Orange: I can taste both fruits. I’d like a gummi this flavor. I think Yume´ should do that.
Chocolate Raspberry: Best one. Tastes good. Creamy. But it looks like chocolate so you can’t wear this on your lips. Maybe you can massage it in and eat it off your best friend. I mean wife.
So I kinda like this stuff. If I was looking for something to spruce up my sex life…and let’s be straight with each other here, I’m doing just fine. But still —
Do you remember that Seinfeld where George tries to add sandwiches to his making-love repertoire, asking Jerry why shouldn’t he try to add 2 of his favorite things together – food and sex? He had a point. And Yume´ Blush, I’m thinking, is bringing the point home!
So visit the Yume Blush folks, buy their stuff, rub it in, eat it. Rub it on to your friends. Eat it. You’ll like. And there’s no meat in it so feel free to move to Northern California and buy some jars.