Ahh, summer. Remember those days, strolling around the county fair, caramel apple in hand, enjoying the day? Of course you don’t. No one does, not unless you’re old as hell and reading this candy review site, which seems unlikely. But go with me-apparently, there was a time in this country where caramel apples were ubiquitous. Apparently there was a time in this great country where people weren’t afraid of creeps putting razor blades in caramel apples for Halloween.
I say apparently, ’cause as long as I’ve been alive, caramel apples have been something I’ve seen in movies, and like…3 times in person. And I love them! I mean, they’re kinda gross, but they mos def kick ass on candied apples. You know those red behemoths with the crispy gooey sticky red coating on the outside? Not fun. Not good. But these are.
I have no idea where I first tried one of these caramel apple lollipops, or why I did-but I did. And here’s the thing: they might actually be better than the real thing. I know, crazy, right? But I’m serious. And here’s why:
When you bust open one of these li’l beauties, it looks kinda weird, like a gloppy caramel mess of a lollipop, which is more or less what it is:
So you slam it in your pie hole and start licking away, as you should, and what you get is good, solid caramel flavor. Nice. But wait for it, the best part’s coming.
Eventually, you’re going to lick through a part of the caramel to discover the second flavor, green apple. Sour-ass green apple.
Real caramel apples always seemed to have mediocre apples hiding underneath. With these, ya know what yer getting. And let me tell you something-these two flavors work together better than any combo I’ve tried in recent memory. Skittles Crazy Cores, listen up idiots: this is how you combine flavors. The sour apple plays off the sweet & salty caramel like a delicious, light, …mmmffghh. Sorry, I started drooling.
Eventually, you’ve sucked the little bastard down to almost nothing but a mostly-green-apple-with-some-caramel-little blob. Chew it off the stick, and enjoy that little darling for a few more minutes, cause the green apple part is chewy, not just traditionally hard like lollies often are.
Every time I have one of these, I love it. I wonder why I don’t eat them more often, and then it hits me! Oh yeah! I’m 40, and the only 40 year olds I’ve seen recently eating lollipops are psychotic perverts and murders in movies and Kojak!
Ya know what though? I don’t care. This lollipop is a keeper, big time. So settle back, stick one of these things in your cake maker, and close your eyes. Think back-way back. To a time long ago, …a simpler time. A time where freaky LSD manufacturers would try to traumatize children with razor blades in caramel apples at Halloween.
Aren’t ya glad it’s not then?