Our patron Saint Susie sent us these recently. The pack looked as if it was geared towards 5 year olds, so I knew it was in my wheelhouse:
I’m very wary though, of “filling”. Filling is generally gross, I’ve found. Unless it’s pepperoni and cheese “filling” inside a pizza pocket, I’m tentative. However…turns out that the filling isn’t really the problem with these. They’re “Sweaties®”. The “sweaty®” was introduced to me in high school by my buds Nico and Dave. The original sweaty®:
They used to be called “chocolate donuts”. now they’re “frosted donettes”. What the hell? I hate everything. Anyhow, look at those bad boys. If you ever ate them as a kid (or now), you know that condensation can build in the box, making a sheen on the outside of them. Sweaties. Now we have another sweaty. And that aint a good thing, chief:
You can see the sheen, right? It was so sweaty, when I opened the bag and took one out, it “squirted” out of my hand like a pissed off earthworm. Yuck. But..in this biz, sometimes you gotta get past the appearance and really dive into the taste. As we might remember from my review of Trolli Bizzl Mix, those things got their sweat on as well. And I absolutely adore those. I then put them in the fridge, as I’m want to do, expecting the sweat to go away. Not even close. The sweat turned to a bit of sticky sweat, like the kind that sticks on the phone when someone hands it to you and you awkwardly don’t know what to do cause you’re grossed out and don’t want to put your face next to it? Like that? Know what I’m saying? Not cool.
These have that sleek, tougher gummy consistency. Closer to Twizzlers than anything else, it’s a mild green apple flavor. Not bad. The filling, a benign chalky creamy “sour” concoction, isn’t sour at all, but perhaps has a tangy touch. It’s more sweet than anything. When the sweet sweat from the outside mixes with the sweet creamy inside…it’s not good. I started out eating it thinking “eh…it’s not bad….I could eat these”. By the time I had swallowed half of one, I had put the rest in my son’s “treat basket”. Yes, I give him the shitty candy I don’t like, cause kids like all shitty candy. Keeps him coming back for more Dad time. By the way, everyone should have a treat basket. Jonny Jr.’s is his Halloween pumpkin plastic thing he carts around each year. Just as Halloween rolls around, we toss all the filler he has in it and it starts fresh. Year round goodness.
Anyhow, you likely won’t ever come across these in the states. But if you’re overseas, and you sees them…, take a pass. There’s so many superior options over the pond, this is truly a waste of time.
I appreciate that the legacy of the Sweaty® is still alive and kicking, but…that doesn’t mean I have to eat it.