World Cup 2014 as told by 2 candies: German Spicy Strawberry and Brazilian Caipirinha Candies

In one corner, Brazil with their darling cocktail. In the other, Germany with brutally spicy strawberries. Who'll win this time?

It’s Monday, July 14, 2014.  The World Cup is in the rear view.  And I have stuff to say about it.  Or rather, how the whole damn tournament could be likened to these two offerings I’m going to show you now.  Both hard candies, one that tastes like the iconic Brazilian cocktail Caipirinha, and the other that tastes like ripe strawberries spiked with intense chile heat.  Let’s for a moment forget that both of these candies are made in Germany, and instead focus only on the product.  Cause it’s Brazil vs. Germany, all over again.


First, let’s check out the Caipirinha candy.


Hey, no alcohol, whaaaaaat?  I’m not sure I even want to continue.  But for you….I shall.

I’ve been to Brazil, and I’ve had my share of Caipirinhas, and thus was super excited to try these.  And for what it’s worth, they do remind me of the drink.  The drink only consists of three ingredients: Sugar cain alcohol called cachaca, more sugar, and lime.  And these candies are sweet.  But there’s an edge to them, although….it really doesn’t feel super lime-y.  There’s something processed about it even though, from what I can tell, there’s nothing artificial in these.  It’s just a bit of an “off note”.  Something that dissuades me just a bit from grabbing another.


Kinda like giving up 7 goals in the sen finals.  It just bums you out.


But they’re ayeet.  I certainly am keeping them in my hard candy arsenal, and am glad I got to try them.

Sorta like Brazilian beer.  But that’s another story.

Let’s turn our attention now to the more in-your-face offering, the harsher one, the louder one.


Strawberry Chile candies, sealed with a kiss.


From jump, these EXPLODE in your mouth.  They’re hot.  And I’m not talking Hot Tamales Tropical Heat hot, or even the superior Yummy Earth Chile pops hot- I’m talking legit hot.  And it’s glorious.
The strawberry flavor is nice, but let’s get real-it’s brutalized and stepped on by the ferocious chile heat power that overwhelms it.


Kinda like when Germany assaulted Brazil for 7 goals.  Yeah.  Kinda like that.


But I love these.  I love how insanely bold they are-they leave a serious heat wake in your mouth.  The only person who’s tried these and liked them besides me is Jonny Guru Jr.  God bless his wise, knowledgeable little heart.  Everyone else?  Spat ’em out.  “Too spicy!” or   “Waaaa?!?”  Were the typical responses.
To them I say feh.  MEH, even!  I pity that most people can’t handle the heat, because it makes me feel alive, dammit.  And living is good.  Just ask that weird looking dude “Goetze” who scored the winning goal in the world cup finals yesterday!


Doesn’t he look like he’s glad to be alive?  Also of note: doesn’t he also look like he might be demented?  Might keep people in his basement?Goes with the territory, I suppose.


Friends, I love Brazil, but when it comes to candy, Germany destroys.  Every time.  And this year is no exception.  So we here at Candy Gurus say huzzah, Germany.  Huzzah!  And Brazil?  You’ve got a better tan, so just be glad about that.


Zolli Candy


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