Whoah-These Rocks Rock! Jean Philippe River Rocks

It's just fun to eat rocks. Don't tell me it's not.

Reviewed by Jonny

January 26, 2011

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Know what I like?  When someone surprises me, in a good way.  For instance, when my wife busts out the fresh lingerie and a bottle of bourbon, I LIKE that.  It’s surprising.

It hasn’t happened yet, but I think I’d like that.

When people surprise me in a different way (Son, you made poop art!) I don’t like it so much.  In the candy world, there’s constant disappointment.  No offense, but the world doesn’t need a new variety of berry flavored Skittles, so don’t act all excited when you release them, and certainly don’t expect ME to be excited.

On that note, the world also doesn’t need: different flavors of Peeps, more sugarless gum that all tastes the same, different sized BAGS of Reeses Peanut Butter Cups (Sorry, bro), or sour goo crap that you spread into your mouth like you’re some biker sucking down energy glop at mile 24.  Yuck

Luckily, I was recently surprised in a good way, from the fine folks at Jean Phillippe Patisserie.  What, …you don’t hang out there?

I bought these on a lark, only because they looked so cool:

But here’s the surprising thing: they’re not all the same.  The small, flat stones are like a grown up M&M.  Candy coated chocolate, with a thicker crunch to it.  The larger stones are candy/chocolate covered dried apricots.  A few medium sized ones have some sort of nut in them, but I can’t figure out what kind.  Random, right?  True, but so flipping good.

(Forgive the blurry photos, my wife is borrowing some 10 foot long telescope lens for the camera and I clearly don’t know how to use it/don’t care/am not a good photographer anyhow.)

The combo of these three candies is so weird to me, that I just have to give JP kudos.  On top of this, they look cooler than any other candy around, especially if you just pour some out on your desk at work, or scatter them in your garden for a very difficult treasure hunt for your not so bright kids.

Although I probably wouldn’t do that-these aren’t cheap.  At all.  $14 for 5 ounces, or $28 for 14 ounces.  Crack-based pricing.

Are they worth it?  Probably not, cause I don’t really think any candy is worth that much scratch.  However, they’re tasty as all get out, and certainly one of the more unique confections you’ll find.  I picked these up in the JP Pat inside the Aria hotel in Las Vegas, so you can find them there between lap dances at the Spearmint Rhino.  If that’s your thing, of course.



Zolli Candy


  1. Joey G

    I thought they sounded familiar. He has good stuff in his shops, but none of it is cheap. NONE!

  2. Tampa Bay Food Monster

    these sound really cool! i had some fake rock-type candy recently that was purchased as a souvenir from god knows where, which looked more realistic than these, but were mostly small and just had chocolate in them. these sound like the deluxe model of those. real classy.

  3. matty

    I can’t believe they give these out at the Spearmint Rhino.

  4. Josh

    They don’t let you bring food into the Spearmint Rhino…y’know…I’ve heard



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