Uncle Oinker’s Savory Bacon Mints: Um. Oinkaaay…

I mean really how good do you THINK they are

Reviewed by Matty

July 18, 2011

Visit DylansCandyBar.com

And here we are with Review #2 from goods secured at Dylan’s Candy Bar. This one? Bacon Mints.
No. Not kidding.

Yes - bacon mints - not kidding

How could anyone with the gall to call himself a candy guru not buy these and review them? They couldn’t. (Or is it they could…) Whatever it is, I had to, and I did. I will say this, I’m not disappointed. They seeeeep bacon. Uncle Oikner didn’t go for a tinge of aroma, he went for full odor.

I’d been putting these off for the past 2 weeks because I didn’t actually think these would be good. So when I finally went to the package and unwrapped them, and could smell the fake pork even through the clear plastic around the tin, it was clear why the candy aisles of our local Safeway aren’t stacking these 10 packages deep.

Although the smell of them is definitely pork and bacon, the undertones are actually dentist office. There’s some weird scent in there that reminds me of drilled teeth. Not sure they should put that on the ads though!

At first I was thinking they aren’t awful terrible. In fact, the faux bacon taste, although pervasive, didn’t completely ruin the mint. Maybe I could pop one of these things in before a meeting, and no one would be the wiser…

The actual bacon mints

So to get some real-time feedback, I turned to the Mrs. and asked for a mini make-out session to see what the experience is for a 3rd party.

She was watching Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, and Dwight Gooden was apologizing to his kids for taking drugs…so perhaps I could have picked a better moment, but I’m guessing even if she was watching The Bachelorette I’d have received the same reaction. Which was: “you smell like hairy pig butt.”

Not much more to say, no?

I had to open a bag of Haribo Gold Bears and suck down half of them to get myself back to homeostasis.

Want to buy these? Do it from our friends at Candy Town USA.

Zolli Candy


  1. matty

    The review is for the candy because a rating for the review would always be 5 stars. Greebs. You KNOW that.

  2. greebs

    But…you ALWAYS smell like hairy pig butt! (OK, no you don’t.) Like the new site design – one improvement – is the rating I and others give for your REVIEW or for the candy? I voted low for the candy, but quite enjoyed the review.

    Especially the part where Wifey called you hairy pig butt breath.

  3. Jonny

    These sound so….crazy weird. I wanna try.

  4. Lisa (Sunny Seed Stories)

    Hmm, bacon tastes good with a lot of things. A surprising amount of things. But mints would not be my first choice either. Good thing you had the gummy bears!


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