We got a note from the candy maker that he was a tad unhappy:
1. that I reviewed these when I was on a cleanse and thus did it from taste memory;
2. that I prefaced the review as being “the worst ever” which reads differently than how I meant it, which was that it will be the worst written review ever…
3. that this is his livelihood and thus he’d appreciate a bit less negative set-up.
Well – I hear all that. And I tend to agree.
So, I’m re-opening this review.
I still give these the same – 6 out of 10. Maybe 6.5 if we did half stars. These are good. Everyone at my real work liked them. I personally wouldn’t go out of my way for them. But of course – look at our header image and you’ll know why.
Note that last time I ate a Crunch Bar was probably at least a year ago, and I know what those taste like and still give it an 8. Similarly, I know what Trolli gummi bears taste like – last I ate those was at least 5 years ago – and I’d still give them a 5. So don’t let timing fool ya too much — unless there are serious updates to ingredients and taste, I have a good sensory memory.
Anyhoo — now revamped review in order to be a bit more egalitarian.
Enjoy again for the first time!
This will be the worst written review ever.
For one – I ate these last weekend. Not right now, which is when I Should be eating them if I’m writing about them.
For two – I’m on a sort of “cleanse.” Meaning I can’t eat much of anything. Especially not sweets.
So, not only am I going to write this based on memory, I’m also intensely bitter right now because I can’t actually eat these things.
And I’m sorry hippies and healthnuts, but these goddamned ‘cleanses’ suck ass. Ok yes I feel a little lighter and thinner, and sure maybe my insides aren’t as…dirty?…yuck. But how did I get to this state? By not eating. Oh yeahhhh that must be reallllly good for me. Oh and sorry, today I did eat an entire orange. And I had green tea this morning. No sweetener.
What kind of life is this? I ain’t on Survivor. I’m not staring at Parvati all day and praying for an immunity idol. This is just plain boredom. And I swear to god if I die tomorrow on my way to work I will be SO pissed that all I ate for dinner was dry basmati rice.
Anyhoo – on to the review!
These things are hilarious. They’re called güdfüd with umlauts so it’s pronounced “good food” and they’re so not “good food.” They’re marshmallow stuffed with fake jelly. lol. All kinds of corn syrup and dextrose and sugar this and that – the absolute opposite of what most people would define as good food. And yet – I like them!
These are simple, they taste like marshmallow with a soft jell center, but not too much jell. Just enough to get a good taste of it. And the flavor is good – not like authentic strawberry preserves good, but good. The jelly centers are orange, strawberry and grape. I was concerned before I ate them that they would be overloaded, sticky and gooey. But they aren’t – smart move by the candy makers. They did the same thing with chocolate ones (which I didn’t photograph cuz). There’s a decent hint of chocolate inside a marshmallow but not overflowing. Simple. And as Jonny suggested, these would be perfect roasted. Just plunk em on a stick, throw them over a grill or a gas burner, and pop that bad boy in your mouth!
In the box sent to Candygurus…wait. I mean in the 32 boxes we got sent. (I love that)… you get three in a pack with 16 packs in a box. They seem a bit overly packaged but they’re fresh, so I’m not complaining. Also, they did a good job designing the package – very easy to open. Plus, they have no fat, no trans fat and are only 50 calories per “pillow.” Dammit — they DO make good food!
I gave a bunch away to my work people and they went fast. Really fast. So take that as you will, but it tells me that you could make yourself more popular by buying these and giving them to friends.
And you can buy güdfüd here. They’d be a pretty fun halloween candy for the kids.