We may be sour, but we know our sweets.

Uncle Oinker’s Strawberry Flavored Gummy Bacon

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Do I really need to continue?

 

Exhibit A:

This is gonna be one of those uber short reviews.  Cause it can be.  Here we go:  GET IT?  GUMMY BACON??!  It looks like bacon and tastes like strawberries*!

 

 

*no it doesn’t.

 

Exhibit B:

If that photo doesn’t nauseate you, then nothing in the candy world will.  And I’m a bacon LOVER.  But let’s cut to the chase…

 

EXHIBIT C:

Pretty amazing how real this looks.  I’ll give them that.  But how does it taste?  Real easy answer: it smells delightful, very pronounced strawberry.  However, it tastes perhaps like there was MAYBE some strawberries near it at some point, but the main flavor is paper.  Maybe cardboard, perhaps binder paper, but it’s paper.  The look is right, the feel is…gummy, the taste is putrid.  I don’t know if it’s the white fake “fat” but it’s rank.

 

For a gag gift though, these would be outstanding.  Put a few slices on your kid’s plate in the morning.  Only problem is, he/she/it will like it, as kids have no standards.  Better than that, on Mother’s Day, put this in place of real bacon on the breakfast you serve in bed to your better half.

 

Wait…she’s married to you, so she clearly doesn’t have standards either, oh SNAP DID YA SEE WHAT I DID THERE?

 

Roll credits, star fade to black and….scene.  It’s a wrap.

 

Before I forget though, thoughtful instructions from the candy makers in the event you have severe brain damage:

 

  • Josh

    How dare you besmirch bacon’s good name?! Shame on you “Uncle Oinker”…SHAME!

  • matty

    Yr right. Kids DON’T have standards!

  • lux

    OMG. Could it get any worse?