We may be sour, but we know our sweets.

The Coconut Debate : Are M&Ms Coconut The Real Deal?

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Some people love cilantro – to others, it tastes like soap dirt. Likewise for beets. The rest of the world LOVES them, but to me, they taste like smelly moldy hippie dirt. And then there’s coconut.

This one seems to 70/30 : 70% of people don’t like coconut, 30% do. I’m most definitely in the “do” camp. In fact, since I was a wee lad, I’ve bought coconuts at the store, smashed them open (sorry, ma!) and carved the meat out to snack on. I’m easy- coconut ice cream, candy, cookies, shrimp–whatever–I’m down.

My brother, Matty Guru Jr. tossed me a bag of these M&Ms Coconut months ago, and I’m finally getting around to the review. Oh, how excited I was.

Pretty, eh? But how do they taste?

Here’s how they taste : shitty. Lame. Annoying.

Why? Because there’s NO DAMN COCONUT IN THEM!!! Check it: Ingredients: Milk chocolate (sugar, chocolate, skim milk, cocoa butter, lactose, milkfat, soy lecithin, salt, artificial flavors), less than 1% – corn syrup, dextrin, coloring (includes yellow 5 lake, red 40 lake, blue 2 lake, yellow 6 lake, yellow 5, blue 1, red 40, yellow 6, blue 1 lake, blue 2), artificial flavor.

Oh man. I LOVE that yellow 6 lake coloring. Zzzzz….

I took ONE bite of these, and it was amazingly clear that they’re not good. I suspected a use of coconut oil instead of real coconut flakes, but there’s not even that. What you’re left with is an M&M with a faint perfumed coconut tinge. This makes me understand the people who don’t like coconut. This isn’t good. At all. Fail.

This makes me think of wasabi. You know, that spicy green paste you get with sushi that blows your nasal passage out if you eat too much? Well, there’s a real wasabi root that’s much harder to come by, but it bears almost no resemblance to the paste. Sure, it’s got some spice to it, but it’s a gorgeous experience. Deep, natural, complex, spicy, sweet….it’s amazing. These M&Ms are like crappy wasabi paste you get with sushi from Safeway. Not really worth the time or trouble.

The thing that really bugs me about this travesty is little Danny Non-Guru in Ohio. Little Danny has never tried, seen, or even really thought about coconut before. He doesn’t peruse arcane classic online candy stores for authentic coconut candies (Chick-0-Sticks, etc), he doesn’t even know how to read. Poor Danny. But he DOES go to the damn grocery store with Mom, so he WILL see these M&Ms Coconut. He’ll ask ” Mama, what is this “coconut” thing?” And he’ll buy these. And he’ll hate them. And then he’ll be one of those people who hates coconut forever.

Lame, Mars. Super lame. We understand that using “flavoring” makes these affordable, but it also makes them shitty.

The Candy Gurus, while absolutely LOVING coconut, do NOT love these. Enough said.

 

 



  • Alex

    Well I tried the pretzel M&Ms and wasn’t too disappointed, but thanks for saving me the trouble of trying the coconut ones! Though, I must say, I grew up in Ohio and got Chick-O-Sticks at the pool every summer, so maybe the Midwest isn’t completely a lost cause.

  • Josh

    It’s interesting, everyone likes M&Ms…I mean the worst someone would say about classic M&Ms is “yeah they are ok…i’m not the biggest fan” but nobody is definitively Anti-M&M. That being said, if you are going to tweak a classic, you better make sure it doesn’t suck or you run the risk of raping your brand. Giving these a 3 is generous… Mars has successfully found a way for people to not like one of the top classic candies in existence. FAIL!

  • Jonny

    Alex, I definitely wasn’t taking the piss out of the midwest- I was just trying to illustrate that most kids eat what’s in front of them…

    And Josh, agreed- don’t create new flavors that aren’t at least as good as the ones you already have. I gave them a 3 cause…while they’re not good for a coconut lover, they certainly aren’t foul or…(shudder) a SPITTER!

  • http://www.candygurus.com Matty

    So sad.
    And I feel for Danny and all the Danny’s like him.
    M&Ms rock. Overall. Whoever said there needs to be more flavors?
    Less is more. L e s s i s M o r e, Mars.

  • Steve

    I couldn’t agree more. I reviewed these a little while back and was also outraged by the lack of coconut…in coconut M&Ms. I think they taste like M&Ms that have been in a beach bag with a leaky bottle of cheap sunscreen. These seem like they would be impossible to screw up. But alas.

  • http://tampabayfood.com/ Tampa Bay Food Monster

    agreed! totally suck. you should check out the almond joy pieces… they are a similar concept with a much better execution.

    honestly, packing coconut into such a small space just doesn’t allow the coconut the room it needs to pack the full flavor/texture that is so fun about coconut.

  • Martha

    I love coconut too, but the texture is an integral part of it. Knowing that these are only coconut flavored, I will skip them. Thanks for the heads up.

  • Jen

    Thanks guys. I’m a huge coconut fan and you have saved the universe! Hopefully Mars will get the idea.

  • http://www.candyblog.net cybele

    Did you try the Almond Joy Pieces (the extension of the Reese’s Pieces line)? They have real coconut bits and crushed almonds in them. Definitely more of what I’d call a Coconut M&M than these.

  • Robert The Big

    Tampa Bay Monster is right on the money! You gotta love coconut and you have to have the right medium, like…. Mounds! Are they still as wonderful as I rember?

  • http://www.rodzillareviews.com rodzilla

    I’m a big coconut fan myself, but I actually liked these quite a bit. I realize it’s not an authentic flavor but it still works for me.