We may be sour, but we know our sweets.

Sugar Daddy: A Virtual Spanking?

Author

Heyooo!

 

Who doesn’t remember Sugar Daddies, I ask you?  Part of the classic pairing that also includes the vastly superior Sugar Babies, Sugar Daddy is about as basic as it gets: hard, chewy caramel on a stick.

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I chose the “extreme value” bag, as you know me: if it’s not extreme (and frankly, preferably “xtreme”), I’m OUT.  It’s all spelunking, BASE jumping, wheatgrass foraging and sharking for me.

I have super fond memories of Sugar Daddies.  In my head, it was a fond hour or so of pleasantly sucking, chewing, prying and molding the delightful lollipop made of the best, toughest, chewiest caramel around.  What could be better?

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It even says on the wrapper that it’s delicious.

sugardaddy-openI know you’re all expecting to me now slam this thing, but I just can’t.  I WON’T.  Because the reality is that I WAS pretty disappointed with these, as they didn’t live up to my memory of them at all.  But I don’t think the candy is the problem: clearly it hasn’t changed at all.  I think the issue is my oldness and my teeth.
Oh, also-the caramel isn’t good.  In 1982?  It was the SHIT.  But now, when you can’t throw a cat and not hit 3 different vendors of salted lavender caramels, or Sri Racha infused caramel?  Now it just doesn’t stand up to the caramel selection we have at our disposal.

What we’re left with is a toothstick nightmare (if that kind of thing bothers you) with not so much of a payoff.  It’s still “good”, and I’m sure I’ll still eat them occasionally, but the bloom is definitely off the rose.  Too much work, too much stick, and not enough flavor: just sweet, standard caramel.

 

The writer would like to reiterate that he in no way is disparaging the legacy of Sugar Daddies or Sugar Daddies in general.  Long live the 80′s.