We may be sour, but we know our sweets.

Skwinkles. Is Tasting Like Ass the Objective Here?

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Cuz if so – BRAVO. Bra-fuckin-O.

 

“Skwinkles Salsaghetti – Hot watermelon flavored candy strips with Tamarin flavored sauce”

skwink-full

There’s just no goddamn way this is candy. It looks like crap. It tastes like shit. It comes with a packet of spicy runny jelly sauce and the only redeeming factor is that they give you almost none to eat.

 

Jonny and I went to Mexico last year with the fams and we had an aucey spumante time. I just dig that place. I love the food. I meld with the culture. I worship the sun and the beach. So we were both a little taken aback at the dearth of good Mexican candy. Now I have a co-worker friend named Mel who insists there is good Mexican candy and god love her – bring it on. Prove it. Because I’m easy like a 10-cent whore when it comes to sweets: I’ll eat anything. These Skwinkles I assume are Mexican since there’s Spanish all over the package and we ain’t near Barcelona.

skwink-candy2webThey are exactly like the gummis we got in Mexico — no real chew, and instead all melty and soft. These also have some kind of pepper looking bits all over the gummi candy and then I guess you pour the sauce on the candy and eat it? Like it’s ketchup? On your watermelon spicy spaghetti?

 

Jesus these suck. I refuse to eat even one more little bite. I can barely review these. The sauce tastes like sickly sacharrine SALSA. Note to Mexico: don’t fucking put salsa on everything. Who told you that salsa is a condiment like salt or sugar? WHO TOLD YOU THAT? God. It’s pissing me off a little right now. And what’s even weirder is that I got these at Walgreen’s (local drugstore) AND the box/case of them was almost empty so I was half happy that I got a package since it seemed obvious they were popular. But hell NO – these aren’t possibly popular for anything besides angering people who like things that taste good.

 

These are the worst candy I’ve ever had. It’s not even close. I pushed them on my wife and she said – and I quote – “Are you fucking kidding me?” And I’m the one with the potty mouth in the family.

These aren’t just spitters – they’re pukers.

 

10 Comments

  1. Wow. You didn’t even really focus on the horrible, godawful NAME. Skwinkles Salsaghetti? Normally, I’d expect a paragraph or seven from you railing against how idiotic that is – but that probably speaks to JUST how miserable these are. Great review.

  2. Wow.

    A zero star rating.

    Tell us what you really think.

  3. I’ve “had” these. And like my people are want to say, :

    “NEVER AGAIN! NEVER AGAIN! NEVER AGAIN!”

  4. That is the same adventurous spirit that led me to believe shredded squid jerky would be delicious.

  5. Yea, I agree. Gummy candies are not Mexico’s forte candy department. BUT, anything tamarindo IS. Here are some GOOD Mexican candies worth trying:
    -Pulparindo
    -Pelon Pelo Rico
    -Vero Mango
    -Mazapan
    -Limon 7 (salt & lime)

    C’mon Jonny & Matty! Give Mexican candy another chance 😉

  6. Thanks god I’m Mexican!

  7. Got these in the discount bin at the grocery store. I had the Cherry “flavor”. Of the four packages I bought, (just because they looked zany,) the remaining three are going to be used only in the midst of violent threats.

  8. This article gave me cancer.

  9. Skwinkles is owned by MARS, so is not even a Mexican product, dumbass

    • Mars might be a US-owned company but this product is made in Mexico, making it a Mexican candy. http://www.mars.com/mexico/en/.

      I agree I’m a dumbass but this review ain’t proof of that

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