We may be sour, but we know our sweets.

Pralines with Loads of Gail Ambrosiusness

Author

Wanna know what old people like me like?
Good things.
Why?
Because we don’t have time for mediocre. We want astonishing. We need surprises. We want dazzleness.

Gail Ambrosius made some truffles, that she calls “sophisticated pralines” and that I call little nuggets of chocolatey whoopassness. Read. Get. Eat. Prosper.

Now I don’t know why Gail calls these the Parisian “Praline” Collection since I thought pralines were candied pecans. And only one of these little gems has pecans in them…but still, I easily glide pass this small misnomer and head straight to the chocolate yes-ness.

To start with, Gail gets 5 stars on every one by covering them in 80% caCAO dark chocolate. Every one. Wanna know what old people like me like? Dark chocolate. When you get old you go to the Dark side, and once you go black you never go back.

Gail gets another 3.5 stars for the one she calls “Orange Almond.” Why? Cuz I hate orange chocolate with the passion of 1000 hot porn stars, and THESE I’m in love with. The orange is just there as a hint, and then goes away smoothly and quickly as a slight crunch kicks in with essence of olde schoole cocoa spiceness.

In fact, the chocolate on all of these start out solid but quickly melt away in your mouth. Nice attribute.

So if you’ve been doing the math, we’re at 8.5 stars and I haven’t even reviewed them all.

The namesake “Pecan” is soft and crunchy, and it has applewood smoked sea salt (hell to the yes). It starts with a bit of bitter and then becomes more sweet, as the inside has some milk chocolate I think along with the Pecan butter. Not sure though…I guess I should have stared at it longer before I ate it. You can see it in the picture below, left side.

The “Pistachio Bomb” (below) is all over the place and awesome too. Starts with an almond paste overtone, then the chili and lime kick in. Of course a pistachio nut in the middle. Divine. I guess there’s white chocolate in there too? Nice recipe.

And then we get “Hazelnut.” (image above, left side) Oh you little goddamn devil you, Hazelnut. Again, solid outer dark chocolate and then inside not sickly sweet like other hazelnut bars, nor too creamy. A crunch that is made with buckwheat crepes. Yes, you read that right. What the hell is a buckwheat crepe doing in there and how is that crunchy? No idea. Just eat.

Gail sent us two packages with like 10 of these in each, and I stupidly gave one of them to Jonny who will never understand the true gritness these embody, and then of course I tried to save some of mine but ate the whole goddamn box while reviewing and not only am I now out, I’m also climbing the walls from my caCOA suggie high.

 

Why do I like candy makers like Gail Ambrosius? Cuz their stuff is original, all with unique flavors and interesting recipes. Candy to make you think and wake up your taste buds. The kind of candy you can remember. And old people love rememberness.




  • Jonny

    Yeah, I’m SURE my box was different. They weren’t round like some of these, and….they were just kind of OK. Dunno. CaCAO!!!

  • http://www.sugarpressure.com Mark D. (sugarpressure)

    This review is useless without video!!!!!!!! :P

    The orange and pistachio sound fantastic. I need to check these out. Great review.

  • Bill Elbring

    ‘Chocolately Whoopassness’ is my new favorite phrase, my friend. In fact, I think I’m gonna change the name of my rotoball team….