One of my favorite things about candy is the presentation : the color, the packaging, the way it looks. And for a immature candy freak, you can’t really get better than this:
They’re neu! Red, white, and blue patriotic Smurfs. I had these a few years ago, before we started this site, and wasn’t sure if I had liked them or not. But just take a gander at these Smurfy little things. Extremely Smurfy.
Here’s the thing though: they’re fucking horrible. Forget the flavor, that’s fine- it’s the awkward consistency that’s the problem. These aren’t traditional Haribo gummies like their cola bottles or alphabet letters. They’re more of an insanely sticky chewy clump–you can easily bite right through it, then the sticky shenanigans ensue. Mind you, I don’t have a thing against sticky candies per se, it’s just that these offer very little else to make them worthwhile. As soon as I started chewing, I remembered that my reaction was the same before. Blech.
However, I was also given a second bag. The dark side of Smurfdom. Sour Smurfs.
Bin ich sauer! That should be my license plate. These are kinda the same size, but look completely different:
They look completely different because they ARE completely different. These aren’t just the same candy as above with sour coating: these have a completely different consistency. Have you tried Haribo Fruit Salad? Like it? These are exactly the same consistency as those, maybe just a bit softer. These are…how do you say…to DIE for. I ate these up, wouldn’t share with Jr- all the tell tale signs that I’ve found a new favorite. There’s three flavors, and I THINK they’re raspberry, lemon and blue raspberry, but I’m not sure. But who cares? That’s a detail that you don’t need to know, I don’t need to know, no one needs to know. Would you REALLY stop eating Haribo Gold bears if you found out that the clear bear was pineapple? No. No, you wouldn’t.
The important headline here is : avoid the “regular” ones, and buy the sour ones by any means necessary. Normally I’d assume that we can’t get them here, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. For 13 bucks you can get a vat-sized tub of these to make your holidays warmer. Enjoy, and be sure to smurf then when they arrive.