We may be sour, but we know our sweets.

Fruit Snacks Welch on the Promise of Flavor

Author

I know I have a bunch of UK Sweets reviews to write but I was in Vegas for a few days with the wife and wanted some gummi snacks, and I think these deserve a quick rev.

(Not to be confused with Le Reve! – which is a show at the Wynn we saw. It’s like a poor man’s “O” but sexier.)

In keeping with wanting to keep my suntanned hot bod in shape for the nice looking ladies with fake boobs who I know couldn’t stop checking my shit OUT – I decided to go with a more healthy sounding gummi snack: Welch’s Fruit Snacks, ‘mixed fruit’ flavor.

Quick aside. I bought these at the Vegas airport for 3.99. They are probably 1.99 at Walgreen’s. Why do we all sit idly by while the airports continually rape our wallets as we’re held anxiously captive waiting for planes? It’s like the book/movie Blindness.

So these snacks…hmmm…I could’ve bought the Berries n Cherries, Concord Grape, or Strawberry (all their flavors are listed here) but I went with Mixed fruit because I wanted to increase the chances of at least one of the flavors tasting good. Yet – how fools in gummi love do err.

My overall impression is blech. They are more jelly than gummi (strike 1), they taste like saccarine – not fruit juice (strike 2), and if you throw a few in your mouth you’ll have no f-ing idea what flavors you are eating.

But let’s get specific right now – as I write – I will taste each flavor and give you a single sentence.

Strawberry: looks like strawberry. Tastes like sweet nothing. Not as saccarine-y as I thought it would be.
Blackberry: I think it’s blackberry. There is no picture of a blackberry on the package. (There is peach, raspberry, blueberry, green grape, orange, and strawberry). There is no listing of blackberry in the ingredients. Either way either how – this doesn’t taste like blackberry. It tastes like the strawberry one I just had.
Peach: has peach-esque undertones. Overtones are the same tastes as the previous 2 crappy chews.
Orange: Ahh finally! Tastes like what you’d think an orange candy would taste like. Just think of what a shitty orange candy tastes like and you’ve hit the mark.
Raspberry: See Strawberry and Blackberry.

These things have 25% of the Vitamins A&E yr supposed to have daily and a whopping 100% of the Vitamin C – so obviously that’s the gimmick here. But if you, like me, feel that the sensation of taste is an important part of putting anything in your mouth, then don’t buy this junk and instead, grab an orange juice or V8.

These suck.

 



  • greebs

    Great review. However, I reject the entire premise that you are reviewing these on a candy blog. They aren’t candy (really the point of your review, I s’pose) — I bought a 12-pack of these or something for the Lair two years ago, and it took something like 18 months to get them out of the house, because neither of us wanted to eat them but consistently thought the might be tasty. We were wrong.

  • d j / s p l i t

    Once again, a fabu review. We have these at work for clients, and…yeah, they’re shit.

  • Swervie

    good q about why these are being reviewed on this site. I thought they were a candy when I bought them then realized they really we’re a candy hybrid. In the future, I will take better care to review only “candy.”

    -MattyR