We may be sour, but we know our sweets.

Dulche Suave De Leche- Not So Suave.

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I’m gonna generalize a bit.

Mexican food rocks.

Margaritas are always good to me, even when they’re made with shitty Tequila.

I even love Ranchero music, no shit.

But when it comes to candy?…..They don’t know shit.

Case in point, Dulche Suave De Lech. Recently, a friend went to Sayulita, Mexico (big shout out to Bill Files, way to go kid), and brought us back a treasure trove of Mexican candies. As you can see from this photo, everything looks on the up & up when they’re in the bag:

dulcesuavedeleche

Sure, it was after midnight when Matty & I busted them out, and sure, no one was sober, but…that should only make the experience better, right? My mouth expected chewy, caramel/sweet dulce de leche love. What I got was…something different. Something dark.

 

dulcesuavedelechecu

Immediately, as you put a tooth on this thing, it gives. Zero chew. No resistance. Then, you’re surrounded with a wall of sweet-not a bad sweet, but an overwhelming sweet. It did have that familiar Caramel/Dulche de Leche flavor, but it’s what it doesn’t have that’s more disturbing: none of the salty flavor that cuts the sweet wave of caramel is there. As we’ve said here before, candy’s like an entree in a fine dining restaurant-it can’t just have one aspect to its flavor profile, or it’s boring. And gross. Would you order a piece of soft fish with soft creamed corn and soft mashed potatoes? If you’re 73 and it’s 4:30 at the Early Bird Special at Applebees MAYBE. But not you. Not now.

So when I chew on these, I get nothing. But as bad and cloying as the flavor is, it’s the consistency that’s worse. Like I said, there’s NO chew to this-it just falls apart on your mouth. And it’s grainy. As in, you can taste the sugar granules as you “chew it”. Seriously, we thought the conversation a the Dulche Suave candy plant :

Owner: “So guys, how’s it going?”
Worker: “Well, OK, but we just started making them”
Owner: “Great, let me taste one”
Worker: “But…they’re not COOKED yet.”
Owner: (Eating one) “Excellent”
Worker: “Sir, there’s raw eggs in there, I really think–”
Owner:”Let’s get these boxed up, I really think we have something here. Chop chop!”
Worker:”But SIR, we haven’t MADE the candy yet! It’s just ingredients mixed together in a bowl!”
Owner: “Outstanding!  Ship it”

Realistic, right? Because if the conversation didn’t go that way, and these AREN’T a mistake green-lit by a psychotic candy tycoon, then…I just don’t know. I don’t get how Mexicans can like these. I would never, ever eat these in place of any other caramel treat in existence. If that doesn’t summarize my feelings on the subject, then nothing will.

 

 



One Comment

  1. All so so true.

    Nice pics.

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