We may be sour, but we know our sweets.

Das Lolli Pops – Providin’ Meat and Veg

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So we gots 2 reviews for the price o’ one here. Das lollis. And before you get into the prose – you can buy these things online for a reasonable price at Foodzie

(FYI these are directly related to the Lollies that Jonny reviewed earlier this week.)

First up: “Man Bait”

man-bait

Not sure I love the name. I get it. Like men are gonna like it cuz we’re all big dum meateaters. And granted – it’s like 90 percent trooth. But there’s something girly about the name. Yet, maybe that’s the point; the babes should get these to keep men around.  Well whatever the reason for the name – I can tell you this:

 

Bacon is goddamn good on everything.

 

I am right now eating a Das lolli “Man Bait” Maple Bacon All Natural Lollipop. And I like it.

And it’s funny because there are just so many things that aren’t right about it. Look closely at the pic – see the bacon pieces in there? Yeah, they’re in there. In bulk. Slight candy turn-off to see meat in your sweet – no? And the more you suck, the more the bits seem to come to the surface. Suddenly there are 100’s and your smooth lolli has morphed into a baco bit fest – with lil’ hard pieces scratchin’ your tongue and palate as you suck it down. Not sure I love that part. Also, the maple is there but really it’s a hint at it. I could use more actual maple flavor, although the sweetness quotient is right on.

As I keep eating it, the little pieces start coming off and I’m wondering “how old is this bacon?” “Is it the crap at the bottom of the pan when yr trying to figure out how in hell yr gonna throw out all that bacon grease?” Do yourself a favor when you eat these – don’t ask those questions.

And now that I’m at the end of the breakfast-nay-McGriddle-like confection, I can’t quite finish. And it’s not because of the taste – it’s the texture. It’s just too much bacon jerky in my Lollipop. (I think that should have been the title of this review.)

Still, Das lolli has solidly proven the age old adage that I was discussing just last weekend at a Memorial Day BBQ – EVERYTHING IS GOOD WITH BACON. Good news if you like gulping swine pops, bad news for vegans and Kashrut.

I say buy at least one of these and give it a try. Good for conversation, pleasantly delightful and the added plus that it’s an all-natural candy that’s not just for breakfast anymore.

 

 



 


 

And now: “Naughty Ginger” !

 

Again – the name. With this one I’m just not sure what we’re getting at. Is it a Gilligan’s Island reference? Because I would have given two left nuts back in 1974 for a naughty Ginger. Sure I would have been just a wee lad – but I wasn’t a dumdum. I knew crazy hot chicks even at that age.

I’m eating Das lolli’s “Naughty Ginger” Ginger and Lemon All Natural lollipop.

 

ging-lem

This one comes packed for flavor town. Are you a fan of Ginger Ale? I kinda am. I tend to like the less natural cans (Schweppes anyone?) with more of a hint at ginger. The real natural Ginger Ales aren’t for little pussycats like me. Cuz they got a huge booming taste and they kinda fire up the mouth and stay in the back of the throat and hurt. Fine when yr eating sushi and that piece of Hamachi tasted just a bit off and the more Wasabi and ginger you can pound to kill whatever might still be living on that raw fish is priority number one. But if yr just eating a lollipop, this may be too much for you. It’s too much for me.

And similar to it’s little bacon friend, I would have loved less Ginger and more lemon. But something tells me that being all natural, you could get lucky and get one that’s more lemon than ginger…

Anyhoo – these aren’t for me. Too long in the Ginger tooth. And I haven’t licked the thing in at least 4 minutes and I can still really taste it.

So if you love your relationship with ginger than these are for you. If you just wanna sleep with her; nothing fancy, not too long, can’t have her hanging around all night but wanna quick fix and then enough – my suggestion is turn on TV Land at 12.30am and catch a rerun.

 

 

 

3 Comments

  1. Hi – just thought I’d mention that “dum” is actually spelled “dumb”. Nice reviews – Jonny’s quite handsome! 🙂

    • when yr dum you think dum is spelt dum.
      and jonny’s gorgeous.
      -Matty

    • Dum people spell it dum tho. Which makes total sense. And Jonny is unbelievably good looking – let’s call a spade a spade.

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