We may be sour, but we know our sweets.

Charms Sweet & Sour Pops, Zombies, and Crying Kids

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My kid saw “Paranorman” last week.  And while he didn’t freak out like these kids after watching a different film, he was scared.  Now he thinks there’s zombies lurking around.  Under his bed.  In my office.  He’s become officially scared of Zombies.

Guess what?  SO AM I.  This is a good thing.  We all should take a page out of Jonny Guru Jr’s book and fear Zombies.  This is a good life lesson.  Here’s a freebie for you on that note: a railroad spike is a pretty amazing Zombie weapon.  Nothing much longer, or the pulling out of the skull part is gonna be less that satisfying for you.  If your pickaxe or sword gets lodged in there?  Well…you’re gonna be clawed.  And tore.  And then it’s all undead from there.  Stick with the railroad spike or shiv.

 

Unlike Zombies, children are decidedly not afraid of lollipops.  In my house, Jr. asks for lollies as his after dinner treat (assuming he eats his veg.  I’m not that bad a of parent) regularly, not because he loves them, but because they last longer than anything else.  And that’s a damn fine reason, if you ask me.  I too, love lolls, because I like sucking on stuff, and I also enjoy quality confections.  But I don’t like barbershop lollies-the generic kind, just a small flat circle, coming in various colors, all with no real distinct flavor that the barber gave you when you were 8.  Remember his ugly red bin that held like 18 sad and lonely pops?  Bleak.

 

This is where this story gets amazing.  So my kid gets his locks shorn at the Panda Room, cause that’s how we do round these parts.  And as he gets handed the pail of lolls with mostly Charms Sweet Pops to choose from, I spy a few Charms Sweet & Sour Pops.  Do you get the irony?  This pop WAS found at a barber of sorts!  An overpriced barber, but still technically a place where hair is cut. I was forced to forget everything I knew- EVERYTHING-about barbershop pops.  As you might be able to tell, my foundation was shaken.  Up was down, the sky was red-it was that kinda day.

 

 

I grabbed two-one for him, one for me.  I opened the red, which I believe to be strawberry, and of course, he picked the blue raspberry.  Two minutes later, I shit you not, he asks to trade, as his isn’t “doing it” for him.  But he LOVED the strawberry.  And frankly, I liked them both.  As a sidebar, how many people exist that you would be willing to trade (and then finish the other) lollipops with?  However many you answered, those are the people you really love.  Pop-worthy.

 

 

Apparently these come in either the three flavors above (strawberry, blue raspberry, watermelon) or there’s two more, as a few websites show.  But I was sent an entire box from the cool kids at Candy Galaxy.com, and I got three flavors.  Nay, I really got two, as I got about 20 red, 20 green, and 2 blue.  But who cares, right?  Math and lollies don’t mix.

 

On first lick, these are weird.  Just bland, and not that interesting.  But almost immediately, the flavor develops, and then the “sour” kicks in.  This is very mild sour, more tart, but it complements all three flavors well.  It’s as if a lemon was squeezed over your sweet pop, giving it a zingy fresh edge.  I think I agree with Jr. in that the strawberry is the best.

 

As I get older (and trust me, I’m crazy ancient), I’m realizing more and more that sour candy isn’t actually as good as tart candy.  Tart is a tease, like that scene in “Animal House” where John Belushi is climbing the ladder outside the sorority house to watch the coeds change.  Told ya I was old.  Everyone likes a tease.  And sour sometimes just seems like volumes 3-7 of “Girls Gone Wild: Too Hot For TV”.  It’s just boobie overload, not to mention wildly depressing.

 

Nah, I’ll go with tart.  A nice, sweet pop, edged with tart goodness-there’s nothing that will ever get old about this combo.  Head on over to Candy Galaxy and pick some of these up.  Not only will they shut your kids up for 6-20 minutes, but you might just find that you’re grabbing a couple for yourself at times.

 

But seriously-don’t forget about the railroad spike.

  • roberttheg

    Guru Jonny tells a fanciful tale; a lost frightened boy in the barbershop, the lollipop treasure sought after and found, and the feast of the flavors that follows. I’m out to get my railroad spike immediately, and some of these lollies. That boy writes well.

  • matty

    I think these things might be good but honestly, I couldn’t pay attention after I read this line: “I too, love lolls, because I like sucking on stuff”