We may be sour, but we know our sweets.

Licorice: When you like it hard

Get your mind out of the gutter. NOW.

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Karma Candy: If you grow it, will they eat?

When you like it so natural it hurts

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RJ’s Licorice Choc Twists: A New Zealand Treat

Just because they are from New Zealand doesn't mean they are up the boohai, ya dag!

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Gumbilees: Big F-ing Wine gums

Because they don't have beer mints

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Word count Wednesdays: Haribo Funny Cubes

Haribo Funny Cubes. Basically square but not funny at all. #ButStill

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Cream & Sugar Cream Filled Licorice. Can we start over?

"Itsugar" - the manufacturer of these has an apt name. I would have liked them more if they would go with "Itsflavor" though.

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Satellite Wafers: Plain ol’ Confusing

America is a wonderful place. The land of opportunity. Ever eaten bacon and chocolate? Thanks go to some fat-loving US...

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Jelly Belly Draft Beer Beans: Make a Concoction

Candy is dandy but beer is near

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Building a Gingerbread house the SIZE of your house?

Gingerbread is #SoHoliday

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SweeTARTS Gummies: Really? We haven’t reviewed these?

Old school meet middle school. Add in after school, go to college then make candy. Which has nothing to do with these things.

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Mocken Boules: Talk about German Variety

Moucken Boules are Fooken Shoeless! (no idea what that means but I think it rhymes)

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Venchi Italian chocolate bar: Adding herbs and fruit to everyone’s chagrin

When Italians make anything, I eat it. Here's chocolate. Guess what I did when I got it.

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Katjes Fred Ferkel: You’ll Be Fine When You Get Past the Name

Pink pigs with gummy ears. Sounds like a bad dream. But it's the opposite: a good nightmare!

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Airheads Extremes Bites Rainbow Berry: long on name, not on greatness

Bright and cheery on the outside, plain and dreary on the in.

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Haribo Dinosaurs: Can we take a little credit here?

The only thing extinct about these Haribo Dinosaurs is the bag I just inhaled.

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Video Review : Twinkies, The “Cupcake With Frosting On The Inside”

The age old Twinkie is reviewed by request. Go get...

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Payday: Peanut allergies? Stay away. The rest of us, Don’t.

When you have mothers and flight attendants scared the world over, you know the candy is good

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Dorval’s Sour Power Straws: Hits and Misses

Sour's good, sour's best, sour punches you in the chest

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Lovely Candy: One for me…One for you

Real fruit. No Fake nothing. Real good. L'Chaim.

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Skittles Darkside: Once you go dark you’ll never go bark

These Skittles aren't just dark, they're brooding

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Chocolate Sea Salt Butterscotch Caramels: Name Says it All

If you thought butterscotch kinda sucked yr kinda wrong

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Maynards Threesome of Peaches, Berries, and, well, Berries

When Tool broke up, I was sad. Then Maynard started making wine and gummies and I'm much happier.

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Snickers Bites: Dime-sized & Still Satisfying

It's an old standby but dammit there's a reason for that

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Haribo Schneck Lecker: Simply, Gummy Snails

An unappealing mollusk as candy. What'll they think of next?!

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Dried Guava Balls: Not Sure a Better Name Saves These

Gritty and dirty meet tropical something

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Ramune Gummies: Flower Power Pop

More soda gummies but there ain't no coke in these

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Båren Company: Coffee Gummi Bears are Buzzin

I'm so tired. I need a gummy bear. Stat.

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Ocho Coconut Bar: When Price is No Object

Great coconut. Perfect for the rich!

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Jolly Rancher Sour Bunnies: Annual Gel Fest? Eh.

There was a time when Jolly Rancher was a one-trick pony – hard brick candies in watermelon, green apple, cherry,...

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Jelly Belly Sour Bunnies: It’s What’s for Easter

When the sweet people at Jelly Belly send us Gurus stuff to review, in this case, Easter Candy, I have to ask myself:...

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Baci means Kiss in Italian. Maybe should mean French Kiss.

Italians and their food. Let's let them keep making it.

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Wild Ophelia: Beef Jerky Milk Chocolate Brings Wisps of Animal

I know I know... when we think 'chocolate' we all think 'beef'. Nothing new here. Oh WAIT A MINUTE!

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Trolli Valentine Mix: Sour Gummi Candy be Dandy

Don't lie to me about what your candy tastes like. I'm not 19. It won't make me want to sleep with you more. Also, Happy Valentine's Day.

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Skinny Cow: “Divine Chocolates” that Don’t Fatten You Up

When you're fat, you diet. But you got to still eat candy. Because why make life any shittier?

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Haribo Hot Sticks: Ginger Never Tasted So Imported

Did you know Germany was name after Ginger? It grows everywhere over there. Seriously.

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It’s a Spicy New Year with Tabasco Jelly Belly’s

Tabasco on pizza is a prerequisite to eating, in most cases. Tabasco in your jelly beans is just a smidge different.

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No candy review from me this week

This week I don't have the space in my head to try and be witty, and write a nonsensical review of something as mundane as candy.

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ChunGuang Coconut Candy: Holy Jesus these are Good

if you like Werther's and you like coconut, you'll literally make love to these. Just don't do it in public; it ain't 1976.

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Cotton Candy: I like it. There. I said it. Gottanissue widat?

Cotton candy, also called candy floss, is sweet.

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Smarties Strawberry Taffy: Thanks (for not) Giving (me any in the future)

It's taffy by nature. Not strawberry by taste. Kids like it too but kids don't know sh*&.

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Brach’s Fall Flavors: Caramel Apple Candy Corn

Now when you think of candy corn, you can think of caramel apples and confuse the hell out of yourself!

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Happy Halloween! These are Terrible Coconut Candies!

Bad coconut candy may scare the hell out of you. Run!

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Choclatique: Vote for Cocoa!

When you're in the mood to elect an official and eat chocolate

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49ers Candy: Oh no, I didn’t just do that?!

Yes I did. I actually have a review almost ready to write too. But this week, my real work is going to be un-sane and...

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Yume´ Blush: Rub All Over then Eat

When you want to rub someone and then eat it off. Litrally.

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Sendfudge.com: Can it get any clearer?

How in god's name am I going to get some fudge sent here? Sendfudge.com, that's the hell how yo!

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Jelly Belly Soda: Dare I say one of the best ever?

When soda says "Hi. Drink me." I says "Sure." When Jelly Belly Gourmet Soda says "Trust me. I'm good." I says, "Open up and let's try you. Also, I think I'm going insane since soda doesn't talk."

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Kvikk Lunsj: Yeah, it’s spelled like that

Jeg elsker norske kvinner. Jeg mener sjokolade.

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Jelly Belly Factory Tour: Go. Look. Eat. Buy. Write a review.

The entire world can go to Jelly Belly and for free, see how they make the best jelly beans in the world. Are you part of the world?

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Candy Galaxy Does Good. Still, Buy the Haribo

The folks at Candy Galaxy contacted us to let us know they are now in business, and sent along a few gifts to prove it....

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